I woke up shaking
Alone in my room
The gray sheet-a twisted rope
Breathing as if from running
Motionless-for the longest while
Laying on my back-spread-eagle
Staring up at the spackled ceiling
With ear in tune to other sounds from the house:
A teapot whistling
A smoker’s sputum filled, hacking cough
A long drawn out yawn
My dog barking at the approaching mail man
Ma’s bacon sizzling on the cast iron griddle
In the shower, a girly voice singing Taylor Swift‘s “Mean”
The soft hum of the 5 blade fan over my bed
I had been dreaming
I woke up trembling-not sure why
The dream’s detail’s eluded me
I was certain I was running
This was recurrent
A previous condition
For a prolonged time; no dreams would come
Then with out notice, they’d return
A whole flood of them- a torrent even
I’d put off going to bed ’til I’d succumb to my restlessness
R.E.M. would kick in-to suck me into the vortex
I’d fall asleep frightened-to awaken terrified
I’d calm myself by listening to Ludwig’s “Moonlight Sonata”
Watching the smoke from a neglected pipe rise to my spackle ceiling.
I’d run away all of my life
At 16 I ran from my ma
Left her a note in chicken scratch
Told her not to worry
When I was 22, she died
Then the runaway returned
To her still, cold body waiting for me in a pine box
The old place-resembled a macabre masterpiece by Goya
The house stood naked, paint pealing-like a harlot in need of a manicure
An old rain coat stuffed in the front bay window
Bright yellow police taped blared at me:
“STAY THE HELL OUT VAGRANTS AND RUNAWAYS!”
That’s what my eyes read
My eyes red-from stinging tears
Once again,returned all of my fears
I stared at my reflection
In the old cracked oval gold leaf mirror
Left outside on the porch
Why did I run?
Where did I go?
Did nothing change?
I was still the same man…
That guy with a previous condition.
EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2013
Altered Book: Exploring Literature/Lynn Altenbernd
Eva Santiago 