Busy Mind #21

Previous Condition

I woke up shaking

Alone in my room

The gray sheet-a twisted rope

Breathing as if from running

Motionless-for the longest while

Laying on my back-spread-eagle

Staring up at the spackled ceiling

With ear in tune to other sounds from the house:

A teapot whistling

A smoker’s sputum  filled, hacking cough

A long drawn out yawn

My dog barking at the approaching mail man

Ma’s bacon sizzling on the cast iron griddle

In the shower, a girly voice singing Taylor Swift‘s “Mean”

The  soft hum of the 5 blade fan over my bed

 

I had been dreaming

I woke up trembling-not sure why

The dream’s detail’s eluded me

I was certain I was running

This was recurrent

A previous condition

For a prolonged time; no dreams would come

Then with out notice, they’d return

A whole flood of them- a torrent even

I’d put off going to bed ’til I’d succumb to my restlessness

R.E.M. would kick in-to suck me into the vortex

I’d fall asleep frightened-to awaken terrified

I’d calm myself by listening to Ludwig’s “Moonlight Sonata

Watching the smoke from a neglected pipe rise to my spackle ceiling.

 

I’d run away all of my life

At 16 I ran from my ma

Left her a note in chicken scratch

Told her not to worry

When I was 22, she died

Then the runaway returned

To her still, cold body waiting for me in a pine box

The old place-resembled a macabre masterpiece by Goya

The house stood naked, paint pealing-like a harlot in need of a manicure

An old rain coat stuffed in the front bay window

Bright yellow police taped blared at me:

“STAY THE HELL OUT VAGRANTS AND RUNAWAYS!”

That’s what my eyes read

My eyes red-from stinging tears

Once again,returned all of my fears

I stared at my reflection

In the old cracked oval gold leaf mirror

Left outside on the porch

Why did I run?

Where did I go?

Did nothing change?

I was still the same man…

That guy with a previous condition.

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2013

Image

Altered Book: Exploring Literature/Lynn Altenbernd

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BUSY MIND #5

Roam if you want to.
Go where you want to.
Feel what you want, or don’t.
See what you want or, don’t.
Say what you want,or don’t.
Laugh only if it’s funny to you.
Cry only if it moves you.
Own yourself and be proud of yourself.
Hug if you want to or don’t.
Kiss if you feel like it or don’t.
Dance in the rain or don’t.

Walk when you feel like walking and don’t let anyone make you run if you don’t want to.

Share only if you want to because sometimes there are things that only belong to you.

Say no when you want to.
Say yes only when you want to.
Say, “ I love you.” Only when you want to and not because it was expected of you.

Be shy when you want to and when you want to be bold do it.
Be true only to you and own your truth.
Dance with someone or alone-but do it anyway.
Go where there are people or stay in alone.
Look at the sunset or don’t.
Write a love letter and keep it forever or not.
Write a love story and share or take it to your grave.
Compose a love song and sing it or not.
Whatever you do, do it for you!

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2013

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 116

HUSH HUSH

Rest now sweet child,
don’t be scared,
stay here for a while.
Tired, lonely and sad,
Hush, hush now.
I have you.
I know you.

Rest now my sweet child,
take this love I give,
make it worth your while.
You don’t have to do another thing,
no more proving yourself to me,
stop working so hard,
you don’t have to have to any more.
Rest now my sweet child,
my love for you never runs out.

Hush-Hush-Hush

Everything about you-concerns me.
I know whom you love.
I know your secret longings.
I know every little detail.
I know why you laugh,
when you really want to cry.
Stay here and rest a while.
Hush hush now,
you are my sweet child.

Eva Santiago ©

My daughter does her own rendition of “SAFE and SOUND” by Taylor Swift on this video. Enjoy your Wednesday!