Just Believe: Part 8


I have experienced some very low points throughout my battle with kidney failure. I felt like giving up once because it seemed like every time I was closer to getting a kidney transplant, some other new problem would pop up unexpectedly, thereby pushing back my progress. I have lost 5 chances of receiving a kidney because of this.

At one point I found out I was anorexic; I lost 60 lbs in 2 months. I started getting more and more depressed because of my condition so I would work out like a maniac. The only problem with that was that I was burning fuel without replacing it. I would look in the mirror and tell myself I had to stay at a certain weight; so I stopped eating like before only to make my parents and doctors worry more.

Then another time my weight totally went crazy when I was prescribed steroids that were supposed to help stop the bleeding in my lungs. It got to where I hated my whole look and I avoided looking in any mirror because all I saw staring back at me was this ugly, bloated, blow fish character.

My weight issues have messed with me so much that I had to go see a counselor for help. Thankfully, my weight has returned to normal.  I still watch everything I eat and sometimes I feel as if I should lose some weight.

Then there were the terrible mood swings and anxiety attacks I’ve endured. In order to treat the depression that stems from all of my health problems and treatments, the docs prescribed me pills to help me maintain a balanced mood. Well it got so bad at times; I felt like a ticking time bomb on some days, any little thing would cause me to explode just like an unpredictable volcano. I’m sure I was no fun to be around.

I became a human yo-yo and I hated it. So in order to deal with all of this I decided to change my whole image. I lost all the weight and  I tried to boost my ego with tattoos and piercings; I got as many of them as I could believing they would make me feel better about myself, but of course they didn’t because all that is superficial. The inside of me, my spirit man needed healing and no tattoo or piercing was going to heal THAT.

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