Word Picture #13

She sits there in the cold
A hooded head
Hair face a wrinkled map
Missing her teeth
She is far from dead

She sits there in the cold
Her tiny frame
Trying to be bold
And she has no one to hold

She sits there in the cold
Her aged eyes
Tell you no lies
Her soul she never sold

She sits there in the cold
Folding her fragile hands
In the folds of her coat
Her life story is hidden in the sands

-EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2012

Word Picture #2

WORD PICTURES

Who is he anymore? Why doesn’t he give a damn? Knowing that he doesn’t; why does he expect anyone else to care? He sucks the life out of everyone and then wonders why they stay away. He is a bankrupt soul. She won’t let him put her in the red because she won’t give him the power or permission to do so. Their little girl asks, “ Is he ashamed of what he does?” And there is a clear answer to her alarming question: “ No he is not.”

He is a wreck who has tried to demolish other lives and yet there is one life he can’t touch. Oh, he persisted incessantly but he failed. His bitterness oozes out of the volcano that is his heart. The turbid lava oozes out and scorches everything that gets in his way. It is vile what he does, and he sees it not.  Hatred blinds the soul and it does more than that. Animosity pierces his heart and he becomes the scorpion who stings himself to death. He inflicts his poison on himself and when he opens his mouth everyone runs for cover.

He wasn’t always a beast. She remembers when his touch was gentle; when she could lay her weary head on his shoulder and everything in her world was fine. He let her see the good guy in him when their love was new and budding. He gave her hope because she was running on empty. She let down the moat to her isolated heart just this once because back then he was a knight minus the shining amour. This knight was different because his armor was covered with the dents and chinks that come from the many wars he’d fought. He’d lost more battles than he wanted to admit. He still had bits of his heart left. She let him in.

That was then, this is now. The good memories persist in her mind because that is all that she has left of him now. He walks about the place looking to pick on the weaker ones. She dodges his flaming arrows. At night she goes to sleep alone and wondering when the end will come. Her tears drench her pillow as she pleads with her God to bring an end to the suffering. She slips away into her dreams of a better tomorrow where they are both free from each other. Where they both have found peace.

-Eva Santiago copyright 2012

Guard Your Heart and Mind

I read this message I’m posting by Tyler Perry this morning and  it’s what I needed today. So I’m sharing it with you in hopes it’ll give you a great start to a good week-end. Happy Friday all 🙂

Hey guys,If you can get this, this will change your life… I was out taking my morning run. I love how still it is when I’m running. I can hear clearly and really commune with God. I wanted to share this with you. It’s a lesson I had to learn.

One of the keys to success is to be able to guard your heart. Now, usually when someone says guard your heart they are talking about keeping yourself from heartbreak. Although that is important (as long as you don’t go overboard… but that’s another conversation) that isn’t what I’m talking about. When we are born into this world we enter with such a pure heart but as we grow older situations, circumstances and people tend to make us change. Now I know it is nearly impossible to keep a childlike innocence in our hearts all of our lives, especially after people have betrayed, lied, mistreated and downright been the devil. Trust me when I tell you, I have seen it all. I have been there big time. If you’re like me you’ve been there too. But if this is your situation I want you to know two very important things about those moments of heartbreak. Number one, learn the lesson in it. See how it will work together for your good, because it will. Once you do, it’s easier to forgive and move on. Secondly, and this is just as important as the first one, you must not let that person or people change your heart. What do I mean by that? Well, if you are a giver and someone you have given to misuses your gift, don’t stop giving… just give to someone else. If you are a person that loves people and someone you love hates you, don’t stop loving… love someone else. Eventually, you will find people who appreciate your kindness and your love. Remember this, lots of people have been conditioned to not be able to accept purity of heart. They can’t take it in. Most times it’s not even their fault. It’s just what has happened to them on their journey in life. But don’t let them turn you into one of them. There will be a lot of people in your life who will not appreciate your pureness of heart. If they hurt you don’t stop being you… just be you with someone else.
Why is this so important? Because God blesses you according to what is in your heart. If you are being kind, giving, loving and sharing because it is in your heart and you are not looking for anything in return, then that is a heart that God wants to bless. If you change who you are because you’ve been hurt, then you’ve changed the thing that God wants to bless you according to, and that is your heart. The people who hurt you are not worth that. You can lose everything that you have, but don’t let anybody change your heart.

Tyler

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 229

HOLA!! Here comes yet another edited poem that didn’t make it into my new book, SALSA! THE TASTE of LIFE which will be out in a little while. I wrote this when I was going through a rough spot of feeling as if life were passing me by. I sat down and this poem just came gushing out of my pen and unto the pages of my journal. I felt so good after I finished it because I took it as God comforting me and letting me know He never forgets me. I hope this soothes you as it did me  🙂 HUGS!!!!

Your Tears

The wind howls outside,

“Won’t you let me come in?”

It beckons: “Follow me!

Girl! Get up and at ‘em!

Your life IS passing you by.”

 

 

The wind howls outside my window;

Knock, knock, a knocking on my resistance.

Whispers ever so cunningly,

“Surely there is somewhere way better.

Won’t you find out?”

 

 

The wind, it blows in my ear;

a strange lover seducing me with sweet songs:

“You are too good for this, Mujer.

You deserve BETTER.

What are you doing just giving your life away,

for the sake of others?

No one does THAT anymore!”

 

 

The wind scolds me;

I feel it, a whip stinging my raw emotions—

¡Estupida! When are you going to learn:

In this life, nice never pays!

GO! Find your way.

GO! Get your life back.

You should’ve never thrown it away, ¡Tonta!

 

 

“Be still, mi alma!”

 

 

Silence…

 

 

Uno, dos, tres…

 

 

Here comes the gentle breeze,

the one who doesn’t knock me around,

rocks me gently to and fro.

Sweet, sweet lullaby in the night;

I fall deep in a restful slumber,

only to wake up to your gentle caresses.

The lover of my soul whispering to me,

“You are my girl, the one I lose sleep over.

The one I weep for as I pick up your tears

and collect them in this flask,

and with which I bathe my face.

 

 

Your tears are the fragrance I wear.

Never stop shedding them;

I gave them as my gift, so your heart can be healed.

In my world, nothing is wasted,

Not even one single tear.”

 

One day I will show you

what your tears have done.

For now I will tell you,

every single tear you’ve shed,

since the day your heart broke

for the very first time.

I stored your tears in a safe place;

as a rich man hordes gold.

 

 

Your tears have set the captives free,

watered thirsty travelers.

Your tears have nourished dying souls,

and watered many gardens.

Your tears have brought conviction,

turning stony hearts into repentant souls.

Your tears have set one thousand to flight,

and dispelled irksome fears.

Your tears have turned the dry arid desert

into a beautiful oasis where many come,

from near and far, to rest,

before continuing their journey.

 

 

And your tears now fill a vast ocean

that teems with life,

because when you gave away yours,

it was so I could give you something better.

 

 

From a child they forbade you to cry,

because your tears make people feel-

something people don’t want to do anymore.

I designed you to feel…that’s why you weep,

because hard hearts are dry hearts,

who are all bitter and brittle.

“My daughter, my child,

I gave you a lamenting heart:

A fountain, a reservoir full of living water.

when you weep, my river of living waters flows,

through you…my vessel of honor.”

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2012

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 124

ALL NIGHT

I stayed up all night,
pondering and pacing,
with sweaty palms and heart racing;
what to do what’s the next step?
You don’t care, this I know.
All that concerns you,
is your one man show.

I stayed up all night,
pondering and pacing,
with sweaty palms and heart racing,
What are you gonna do girl?
You are here and he’s in another world.

I stayed up all night,
pondering and pacing,
with sweaty palms and heart racing,
4 young souls looking at me,
they all seek an answer.

I stayed up all night,
pondering and pacing,
with sweaty palms and heart racing,
Why are you so mean?
Won’t you ever come clean?

Alas, sleep came ever so sweetly,
I fought her I did,
sleep came ever so sweetly,
weighing down both my eye lids,
took my cares away and I left the scene quickly.

Eva Santiago © 2012

I DARE YOU !!

Hippocrates: a conventionalized image in a Rom...
Image via Wikipedia

I have to share this short video on my blog today. I grew up in the home of my uncle who was a doctor. I remember every time anyone was sick in the house, out came the meds. I had bad acne as a kid and he would give me a couple of meds that made the problem worse. I would stop taking the meds because one of them, this big pink pill would give me bad stomach pains and nausea. The other med was a liquid that I was to apply to my acne. When I did it would burn my skin and I’d look like a lobster; then the peeling and the itching that accompanied it was hell. I’d ask myself, ” Why do these pills I’m taking make my face look worse and give me pains in my stomach? I tell you even back then I would question stuff, but I never had the nerve to ask my uncle for fear of insulting him and his calling. The best thing about that is that I learned to listen to my body and I’ve never stopped listening to it since then.

As you watch this video, I hope you begin to wake up to the fact that the US medical establishment is beyond corrupt. I dare you to start asking your doctors hard questions and see what happens. I dare you to equip yourself with knowledge and let your doctor know that you want to take back your health. Please watch this video and pass it along to as many people  as you can. Remember: Change starts with one person at a time…change starts with WE THE PEOPLE

http://www.youtube.com/embed/K7_e_4AOsFo

Just Believe: Part6

During these 7 years I have learned to manage living with kidney failure. I’ve lost count of all the tests , x-rays, biopsies,cat-scans, blood transfusions I have had to under go. I can’t remember the last time I ever felt healthy; was I ever healthy before this?

There was a time before the doctors diagnosed me with kidney failure , where I had to be isolated for 3 days. I was somewhere between 8 or 9 years old. They used radiation in order to turn out my thyroid. To be honest I really don’t quite understand what any of it meant, all I know is I went through that and I knew even back then that God was with me.

I can remember once I was hospitalized and my dad was sitting with me playing chess. The nurses were changing their shifts and my dad had to leave; but before he did, he went to use the restroom. I climbed out of my bed and instantly my head felt like a balloon about to float away. I walked toward my dad and in a weak voice I told him I was light headed. He had great timing because he quickly spun around and caught me on my way down before I had the chance to bang my head on the toilet.

I had never seen my dad so scared; he’s a man that can take just about anything too. As I lay on the cold tile flooring I could hear him yelling at the nurses; it all sounded muffled and far away ;which is where I wished I could be; far away from this whole situation.Finally a nurse came and put me back in bed and then she realized I needed more blood so she ordered me a blood transfusion.

In 2010 I went through something that I never would have expected . I was home and I felt a new, strange pain in my chest. Thankfully my parents were close by and they rushed me into my dad’s white pick-up truck. As the minutes flew by I became numb; I felt rubbery from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I tell ya Gumby had nothing on me! At the entrance to the hospital, I tried to step out of the truck and my legs felt like the tendrils of a jelly fish; they gave out too. My dad was right there and caught me just in time again.

My dad threw me over his left shoulder  and he took off in a mad dash toward the ER.  If it had been a football game, he would have made a touchdown! I could hear him bellowing at the top of his lungs for help. I could count at least 7 nurses rushing to my gurney; everyone was talking so fast it made my head spin. All their words rushed at me with  such speed and intensity; I pictured my mind a highway running wild with bits and pieces of conversations and nothing made sense. After a little while though I was able to make out what was being said; because my potassium levels were sky high, I was in the early stages of a heart attack.

God’s grace and His favor saw me through what I now consider to be one of the scariest moments of my life. It sounds crazy; I’m a teen and I had just come very close to having had a heart attack. The next day it felt like God had given me a miracle, especially when I rose up out of my bed and I was walking around feeling way better than the day before. I still recall the amazed looks on those nurses; I think I was as surprised as they were.

In my next post I will tell you how JR has struggled with some other difficult issues that are all side effects of his condition.

Light in the Dark

As We Forgive
Image via Wikipedia

 

Light in the Dark
 
Your glorious presence
exposed my dark heart.
I shrunk back in shame:
You said, “No! No! Ben aqui.
“Come closer my sweet child,
I bear the burdens
of those who are meek and mild.
Go, I forgive you!
When you have a heart for Me;
I cover you with My pinions.
If you stumble I understand;
always holding your hand-
always quick to forgive.
All my angels at my command,
I send them to encamp around you.”
 
-Eva Santiago Copyright 2011
 
 
 

 

Tags: …

I AM

 A long time ago a neighbor gave me this beautiful piece in a black frame. I was going through some very tough times and she put this message in my hands. There are times in everyone’s lives that no matter how much you think you have it together, you don’t. We all need encouragement from time to time. No man is an island unto himself and if you think you are, then you are missing out. If you look back in history even the greatest of heroes needed up-lifting words to keep them strong. We can’t forget to pray for and encourage our leaders; they are human too and they need encouragement perhaps more so than those of us under their leadership. I hope you read this and pass it on to someone you know who needs some cheering up.
 
I Am God.
Today I will be handling all of your problems.
Please remember that I do not need your help.
If life happens to deliver a situation to you
that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it.
Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.
It will be addressed in MY time, not yours.
Once that matter is placed in the box, do not hold on to it.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic don’t despair,
there are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work;
think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad;
think of the person who has never known what it’s like
to love and to be loved.
Should you grieve the passing of another week end;
think of the woman in dire straits, working 12 hours a day,
7 days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance;
think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror;
think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering
what is life all about, asking what is my purpose;
Be thankful;
there are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness,
ignorance, smallness and insecurities;
remember, things could be worse:
You could be them!

-UKNOWN                                           

 

Just Believe (My Life Story) Part One

I met JR Rendon back at my old neighborhood and we’ve been friends ever since. He is a young man struggling with kidney failure since he was 14 years old. When I published AS CLEAR AS CLAIRE, I gave him a copy of my book. A short time later I ran into him and he asked me to help him tell his story. You never know how your single act of obedience will be used to inspire and even unlock someone else. Recently JR came to my home and he shared the details of his experience with me; afterwards I took his notes along with mine and used them to build the story. With his permission I am posting it here because it is his wish that people read it in order to be helped. Thank you JR for allowing me this honor!

 

 JUST BELIEVE

We all have issues; you have a choice in how to overcome them. God has given all of us the gift of choice. In Genesis He tell us: “ I have set before you life and death; blessing and curse. Choose life that you and your children may live. Well, I want to share with you how I was choosing death for a long time and I was getting nowhere.

 

It all started for me when I was 14 and I realized I had no control over some of the problems in my life. I was fine one day and the next day something unexpected happened: I found out I was sick. It happened on a Friday when I visited my family doctor for a regular check up. Dr. Felter did his normal routine with me and asked me how I was . I joked that I wished I were taller and he told me not to worry because being tall was over rated. We both laughed because he happened to be only a little taller than me. Before I left his office he did order some blood work to be done for me and after he took some samples I was free to go.

 

I went home that afternoon feeling pretty good about my life. Once I got home I called Erik and Victor and told them to meet me at the skate park. I was going to pound all of my pent up energy into my board and forget all about the hassles of the past week. That whole week end I spent with my family; we hung out and had a huge cook out in our back yard. Some of my family came from Cali and it was fun to be with my cousins again. I had no

idea what was coming to me.

 

Monday rolled around as usual with the speed of a lightning bolt. Dr. Felter called my mom and I saw her face change in a flash; her smile disappeared from her small face only to be replaced by deep furrowed lines of worry on her forehead. That concerned me . Once she hung up with Dr. Felter, she told me,

“ Junior, hurry up and put some clothes on.”

“ Mom, I’m tired I was gonna go skate …” she interrupted me,

“ C’mon we have to go NOW!” I didn’t say another word and did as she said. On the ride in our white family sedan my thoughts were racing as in a Nascar speed track ; all my thoughts were crashing into each other and I felt loco.

 

Once we arrived at the hospital we went to emergency and they did all the routine work on me. They asked me for a urine sample and then gave me a bed to rest in because I was in for a long wait. Finally after what seemed forever and a day a young doctor with a heavy Russian accent came in to speak to us. I read his name tag: Dr. Malkov and I tried hard to listen to what he was saying.. He told my mom that there was blood in my urine sample . I looked from my mom to the doctor and I panicked because the looks on both of their faces was not a good one. Shortly afterwards I was transferred to Sun Valley hospital where they specialize in helping people with kidney failure.

 

I was starting to feel like a specimen on a petri dish from all of the blood tests, x-rays, biopsies and cat scans I had to endure. And, after all the results came back, my tormentors my doctors could not figure out why I was so sick and growing sicker . I was admitted into the hospital and kept under close observation for the next three weeks. When my sentence expired, I was released and the doctors still had no idea as to what was wrong . I felt pretty good as I made my way home that day.

 

I had not been home for long when my condition took a turn for the worst. All the food I ate, I would vomit and as if I needed any more cause for concern, I started spitting up blood. Great, I had made it out of that blasted hospital for almost a whole week and my mom had to rush me back before I even had a chance to go skating again with Erik and Victor. Once at the hospital I began vomiting blood; so I was hooked up to an IV and the doctors tending to me began administering medications in order to stop the bleeding and the vomiting. Meanwhile x-rays were ordered for me and once the results returned they showed blood in my lungs. I had to stay for more observation in the ER for 2 nights.

 

After the two days I was transported to another hospital where the doctors ordered lung and kidney biopsies for me. Once the results returned, the experts informed us that they had found scar tissue in my lungs from all the bleeding. At this time I learned I had kidney failure and that I would have to undergo dialysis and meanwhile I would be placed on a waiting list for a kidney transplant.

 

I was dumbstruck along with my parents; I felt fear running through me as never before- a chill would course through my veins that not even the hot sun in this scorching desert I call home could dispel. My parents, Sharon and Manny both shared my fear and that day I remember crying my eyes out. Man, I didn’t know I had THAT many tears and still they wouldn’t stop coming.

 

At this point in my journey I began to feel a strong anger toward God. I would think; ’Really, God? Why me? I hated that I was having to miss so much school. Soon it became tougher to keep up; I went from being a some what out going kid at school to someone who decided to completely shy away from people. I missed so many days that on the weeks when I did go to school I would show up only to feel judged and snubbed by the other kids. So I decided to put an a coat of armor as self protection. I was so sick of everything and everybody and I put on my best tough ass look that I could muster as a way to cope with all of this misfortune.

 

Before I discovered about my sickness I would put up with all of the mean teasing from bullies at school; and believe me that was no picnic but at least I believed in myself enough to just shrug off the stupid hurtful words. Now though, things were different and I felt my patience ebbing low and I got to where I wanted to beat the next person who called me “Big Eyes” to a bloody pulp. Prior to the illness, I had been able to talk to just about anyone who tried to friend me. Now I had become quite shy and I tried to stay away from people so they would not talk to me. I remember hanging my head low a lot and the bad attitude I wore now was what I thought was giving me the strength to get by each day; I was so wrong but back then I didn’t know it. My bad attitude toward everything was hurting me more than I could ever imagine.

 

I began dialysis right away; I had lost a lot of weight and my nice brown skin was now sallow and pale. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I had to go to dialysis 3 times per week and each session lasted 3 and ½ hours.

 

7 years have passed since this illness came into my life. I still go to dialysis and I’m on the waiting list for a kidney. I have since discarded my bad attitude like a cheap coat you throw away in the dumpster because it was dragging me down and impeding my process. I have also stopped asking God, “ Why me?” Now I have more of a clear understanding and I see that none of this is God’s fault. God did not make me sick as I was under the wrong impression before. I blamed God for this and it drove me far away from Him which is not what I wanted at all.

 

God uses everything , good and bad that happens to us for HIS glory. No, He is not getting any glory from my sickness; He IS however getting glory from how I choose to handle this. The choice is mine: Do I trust Him completely no matter how this turns out? Or, Do I keep trying to make sense of it all and try to take care of it myself with out His help? He gets the glory when I allow Him to take care of me because that’s when He shows up and shows off. God loves it when we trust Him even when there is no apparent reason to keep trusting Him. Little did I know that in all of this He was growing my faith by leaps and bounds. Everything works for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

 

Ask yourself right now; am I willing to TRUST that God is God and that he can and will help me in whatever situation I may be facing? Or, am I going to go on doubting Him and struggling to make it work on my own. All God asks of you is obedience and the rest He takes care of. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him and that takes FAITH my friend.

 

As I look back on these last 7 years I am able to see how God has had my back through this whole ordeal. Once I almost had a heart attack and the next day I got out of my hospital bed and started walking around because I felt good; this surprised all of the doctors. Miracles are real and I believe that God does big and small miracles for us all the time; we have to be in tune though and believe that He is who He says He is.

 

I have come to accept where I am right now in my life. I don’t fight it anymore; my bad attitude had me in the same place the children of Israel were in when they left Egypt. They complained bitterly that God had brought them out to the desert to abandon them; this angered God because they would not trust Him. Without realizing it, their grumbling made a short journey into one that took them the long way through the desert .They reached the promised land 40 years later when they could have gotten there in a week‘s time. Well, I know what they went through personally because of my sour attitude and all of the complaining I did.

 

As I see it now, God was never and has never been out to get me. He chose me, hand picked me even to demonstrate His love and power to and through me. God taught me that just because the doctors give me a bad prognosis, it doesn’t mean I have to live my life in fear. If I TRUST Him, I can over come whatever comes my way. Before when I was letting the sickness rule me, I was miserable because it was in control which drove me to a terrible, unbearable depression. Looking back now out of my fear I was choosing death every single day and I spent my days wallowing and brooding in self pity. We don’t move God with our begging and our tears- FAITH is the only way to get God to move on your behalf. It doesn’t work any other way.

 

So when I stopped playing the self pity woe is me game, that’s when everything changed for me. Hind sight has shown me that I made these past 5 years harder on myself and this held me back from making any progress; my wrong choices made my journey much longer and harder to bear . Blaming God is pointless. I chose this for myself, He had a better plan for me and out of fear, doubt and unbelief I chose wrong. The day I chose to shut my complaining mouth up and I asked God to forgive me for all of my complaining was a pivotal point in my life. Ever since, things have begun to move for me. Everyday that passes by is bringing me closer to my kidney transplant.

 

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. Without faith it is impossible to please God. Impossible is nothing. Keep trusting and believing. Believe and let live!

 

COPYRIGHT

May 30,2011

WRITTEN BY EVA SANTIAGO BASED ON THE FACTS JR RENDON TOLD