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2 years ago, he left for good…

Our good, that is

2 years later, things that had to fall in place,have

Things that had to run by the wayside,did

Things that are still together

Are holding beautifully and without much effort

2 years ago, I didn’t know if I’d make it on my own

2 years later, indeed, I have!!

2 years ago, I needed reassurance that my life altering decision was the right one

Not just for me;for my kids too

2 years later, I only wonder why I waited so long

2 years ago, I wondered If I would regret ending it

2 years later, I stand firmly by my decision and I boldly proclaim:

I regret very little in this short life span I’ve lived

I have loved walking this path

Here’s to the many steps that I’ve left to take!!!

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2015

Moments Add Up To LOVE

Don’t worry about what comes next

Enjoy the moments as they are given you

If there is to be another

Enjoy that one and the moments after that

In this way

Moment by moments shared is how 2 grow in love

You  grow in love gradually

Moment by moment

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2015

Moment by moment…

Eva Santiago copyright 2015

FANCY PRISONS

A prison can be found in the confines of a 3 million dollar mansion

A prison can be found in the interior of the latest Ferrari model

Prisons are all around

What keeps you from chasing after your dreams?

That’s your prison

Who controls your mind?

They are your prison warden

Why did you never believe you could fly?

A prison is waiting there for you…on that island that surrounds that lie

You know the one

You heard it from the time you could understand

You came here to be free

And some one stole the sparkle from your eyes

Some one chopped off the tail to your kite

Telling you it wasn’t long or short enough…and you believed them…

Some one said you sucked at singing

That your voice is flatter than a pan cake

And you chose not to let your vocal chords sing another note

Some one told you couldn’t dream great dreams

So you chose to live a night mare

Some one told you you’re too poor  to make your dreams come true

That only the rich are allowed to dream…you believed them…

All you had to do was reject the bullshit lies

But you went on and embraced them instead

You chose a prison to spend all of your days in

You chose to line your pockets with money

So you wouldn’t have to live feeling the pain of the lie

You have friends, but you hate them all

You have people who need your help

And you hate them too

There are people who love you

And you can’t receive their love because you don’t allow yourself visitors inside your self- made prison

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

ALL ONE

Alone VS Lonely

Alone tells me that I am all by myself;with the sum of all my thoughts accompanying me.

Alone tells me that I am A ok.

Lonely eats away at the core of my soul.

It blares at me that no one wants me.

Alone is  a companion-I’m taking care of me when I am alone.

I am ALL ONE: Not giving away pieces of my heart.

Lonely is a screaming,shrieking night owl telling me,no one gives a God damn about me.

Alone says,”Know thyself.” It is my truth telling best friend.

Alone is that mirror to my soul into which I glimpse,helping me  keep it all real.

Lonely gets me to a point of feeling desperate where I’ll just be with people I don’t even like who don’t even celebrate  me;instead they barely tolerate.

Lonely compels me to settle for far less than what I deserve..

Alone leads me besides still waters

Alone makes me to lie down in green pastures

Alone,my soul is restored.

Lonely demands I join in the drama-be part of the chaos.

Lose myself in the voices of others so that no one will hear my unique voice. So my self expression will be buried before it even had the chance to be seen or heard from.

Alone- All One- It is the voice of unity. For when I get alone I hear clearly the voice of The Trinity. That triune sound that can only be heard when I’m quiet and all alone.

Lonely is the party goer.

Lonely is the star in the spot light.

Lonely is the drunk hobo.

Lonely is the tough lawyer in the Armani biz suit.

People don’t go mad when they’re alone.

Loneliness drives people to insanity and beyond.

Loneliness drives people to do the unthinkable.

People can be their best by day: A put together doctor who tends to her patients with care.

A pastor tending to his flock.

Parents parenting their children

But when the sun sets and loneliness creeps in ever so slowly and stealthily; those in the day good doers turn to  our secret vices. To drown out  that loneliness screaming like a mad black panther inside our heads. We drown that dark voice in liquor, drugs,sex,whatever it takes to keep that killer beast at bay.

Alone vs lonely…the two aren’t sisters,not even cousins. One is a choice,the other chooses you. The best stories ever told are about loneliness because we’re all suckers for tear jerkers and tales that break our hearts so that we can feel human once more. Alone vs lonely: Alone is chosen…loneliness chooses you. No one ever says,” I want to be lonely.” We crave being alone.

Eva Santiago copyright 2013

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HEAVEN…WHERE IS IT?

Show me heaven
Can anyone really do that?
Can one human reflect it to another?
For what is heaven?
Is it a trouble-free life?
Is it a life with no struggle or pain?
Is it where you don’t go insane?
Is it where you don’t worry
Is it where people don’t have to say sorry?
Is it a place that can be found on earth
Is it a place of laughter and mirth?
Can it really be that far away
Or is it closer than we think?
Is it a far away galaxy
Or maybe it’s a star,
You might miss it if you blink
Oh if we could only see

What is heaven
Is it 2 hearts beating as one
Is it being able to forgive
Beyond the seventy times seven

What is heaven?
Is it a smile on a baby while he sleeps
Is it real before we all reach age seven
We see it when we’re little
And then we all fall asleep

Show me heaven
Tell me where it is
Give me a road map
In this life, is there such a place?

-EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2013

 

Better Than a Clockmaker

I know God loves me. I’ve known even. I am becoming more and more aware of a depth of grace that no one ever talks about. At least I have never heard of anyone in church talk about it. What I’m referring to is beyond “amazing grace how sweet the sound that save a wretch like me.” It is a grace so deep that it comforts and nourishes me simultaneously. A grace that gives me room to be human and not feel ashamed about it. A grace that holds me up when I trip and stumble. God said He would never let me fall on my face because his right hand would uphold me when I struggle. I am living those words now. I have a God who looks out for me. I am in love with an amazing God who watches my back at every turn. I am in relationship with the Creator of everything who knows my every thought before I even think it. He knows the inner workings of my soul better than a clockmaker knows every click and turn of all the gears in his clocks. He knows what every one of my sighs mean; He understands each one of my soul’s groans when I have run out of words to pray. He knows why I shed every tear and why I laugh when I am happy.

I can say I have discovered a tender side of God that looks at me not with disgust when I mess up; but with a tender compassion that melts my heart and makes me want to draw even closer to His presence. Has your child ever messed up so badly that when your anger toward him subsided, you took him into your arms and said,” I love you no matter what you do or say.” ? Well that’s the kind of mercy God has been demonstrating to this sinner lately. God shows mercy when you are merciful to others. His love is never ending. His love is true. Give Him a chance to work in your life and you’ll never be disappointed. Does it sound too good to be true? I have been lied to all of my life by people I trusted and I ought to be the world’s most distrusting soul. But alas I found out that God never lies. So even though people’s lies hurt me, God never has and that’s why I trust Him with all I am. Take a chance on God whose very essence is LOVE!

-Eva Santiago

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 123

JUST ASK AND BELIEVE

I believe in the power of prayer. Do you? I have been praying over the years, for my uncle in whose home I grew up in. Praying for him lead me to forgive him for having failed me like he did during the years when I lived with him. Praying for him helped me see him as 100% human, thereby helping me see him as flawed and frail as me. Praying for him changed me and all I have left of him now are the few good memories of those years.  A few years back I found out he had prostate cancer. Well, I kept praying for his healing and even though I never heard any news of him, I persisted in praying for him. Today I was talking to a good friend of mine and she told me she had recently heard that he was now a religious fanatic. Well at first I chuckled and then I remembered that when I found faith in Christ and started walking my faith journey,  people said the same thing about me.. So I realized that my uncle has found faith in God and that my many years of praying for him DID indeed pay off!

If you have been praying for someone or some thing, NEVER stop. I tell you the truth, God DOES answer prayer and the petitions of the righteous avail MUCH!

Love, Serve, Let Go!

Life goes on and on. You go where God‘s Spirit leads you; you love, you serve, you give it all you have and then you let go. Yeshua said  that The Spirit comes and goes; no one knows where He came from and no one knows where He’s going to show up next. So are those of us that are of His Spirit. We MUST learn to flow with The Holy Spirit‘s current.

Hover where He hovers. Hover signifies a sort of floating as a cloud that then lifts and moves on after a little while. We get too comfortable way too quickly. We always long to put down roots. The Spirit of God is so opposite of this; He hovers, He lingers, He moves on. And so must we if we are to stay true to His nature, true to His ways, true to His character…true to His LOVE. I don’t ever want to live one single day out of sync with The Holy Spirit.

Eva Santiago Copyright 2011

 

Somebody better look out for me
Although I stand alone
I’m more dangerous than I seem
But in this smoking gun world
Our lights don’t last
They’re over fast

Life goes on
Goes on and on
On and on
Life goes on
Goes on and on
On and on

Although I really don’t know
Your time is fading fast
I wake up in a wasted world
How long is it gonna last
Under pressure and pain
What may be right may be wrong

-Andy Taylor “Life Goes On”

No MATTER What…

Today I want to remind you that NO MATTER what you’re experiencing right now, that God’s love for us goes deeper than what any of us can fathom. Trials have an interesting way of manifesting God’s love in a more powerful and tangible way. My dear readers and friends I want to encourage you by letting you know that you don’t always have to know why you go through what you go through; just TRUST Him the one who has it all under control. Think about this, trials and adversity are our university where we go, in order to learn who we are in God. TRUST Him even when you’ve no reason to and guess what? You’ll come out stronger in your faith and deeper in your love for Him. I dedicate this video to all of us who are in the midst of trials right now. This was posted to my Facebook wall by my sweet sister and I hope it uplifts you as it did me. Have a great day!