They say you can’t miss what you’ve never had
Well I’m here to tell you that’s a big, fat, fucking lie
Today is my mother’s birthday
And I have missed her for my whole life
I don’t care ’bout your opinion
I don’t care ’bout your thoughts
This is my heart, not yours and if I tell you I’ve missed my mother since the day she died-
Fuck you for making light of it
October 19th always comes and I feel a dreadful heaviness
I want to cry but the tears don’t come
I want to scream and I do silently from deep inside my soul, where no one on earth hears me
My silent screams ricochet into a fantastic echo, resonating into heaven’s outskirts
As I get older this doesn’t get better
They say time heals all wounds….well, what about this one?
Why hasn’t time taken away this sting?
Good God! Why oh why, must I feel like this?
I won’t fight how I feel or it will persist
I sit here embracing this void
I sit here embracing this old, cold pain in my heart
I sit here with a tight knot in my stomach
I sit here holding my breath…for what?
I have no idea
Souls that connect will miss each other even if the connection was brief
Oh how I miss you, Mama
I have traveled this galaxy in search of you
My tears are strewn about The Milky Way
I look up at the heavens always trying to somehow make my way back to you
I ask The Big Dipper to dip into the vast expanse of the deepest heavens…to transport you back to me
I talk to The North Star and I ask Him to never let you forget me… to never let you forget us
I talk to the moon and I ask her to light your path and to somehow keep a vigil for me
How ironic- that you keep a vigil for me and not I for you
But you see, life here in the now is tough as of late
And sometimes I go to sleep at night only to wake up feeling half alive and half dead
And I know where you currently reside has to be a place teeming with life
Because there’s got to be a place that is way better than here
There’s gotta be a time that is better than this hour
So say a prayer for those of us here, Mama dear
Say a prayer for those you left behind,Mama dear
Keep your light on for me because I so desperately wanna make it back to you
Go to that fountain
There, in the midst of that garden
Right at the foot of that sacred mountain
Look at your reflection in that ever clear, crystal pool
And I hope you see me there, waiting to catch a glimpse of you
I hope I see you there,waiting from this side of life, for you to reflect love back to me….
EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014
Eva Santiago 