DRYERS ARE EVIL

I had to post this poem I wrote last night in the hopes to tickle your funny bone one last time this year. My kids and I were having a conversation about dryers and when it was all said and done, I sat down and penned this. Enjoy your last couple of days of  2013!

EVA

Dryers are evil

They conspire

And get clothes lost

They force worn out sock

To early retire

 

Dryers are thieves

They watch you sweat

They watch you roll up your sleeves

I have seen whole shirts disappear

Into thin air

Indeed, dryers are thieves

If you’re a pair of pants

A skirt

A dress

Or a blouse

You should live in fear!

 

Dryers destroy

Turning nice silky panties

Into ugly granny panties

Seemingly over night

Panties that once thrilled your boy toy

Now full of holes

As if attacked by a labour of moles

Dryers are evil!

 

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2013

granny panties3

 

 

panties

 

 

Sock Conspiracy

There is a sock conspiracy in my home I just know it! They conspire with PhatCatladie, our Scottish Fold 2 year old cat. Not only that the third offending party is the dryer. I have been watching this activity for a while now and I’m completely convinced that they are an organized crew.

PhatcatLadie  is a clever feline. She waits ’til late, late at night when we’re all asleep. She hides herself in the shadows awaiting her time. Once the house settles in for the night, she’s OFF!! She comes out of her hiding place and quietly goes to my girl’s bedroom. Why start her thieving for socks there? Because the girl’s room is an easy cache; they leave their sock drawer slightly ajar, easy enough for suspected cat to pounce on the prey and make out like a bandit! After robbing those drawers, she makes her way through the dark living room and into my son’s room.

She knows that there are occasions when my son will forget to close his sock drawer. PhatCatLadie has made it in the boy’s room; tonight she isn’t as lucky, his drawers are completely shut up and they aint talkin’. Someone threw away the key to the pad lock for the time being. The suspect turns around,looks over her shoulder and thinks  those sour grape thoughts:” It’s ok, I didn’t need ’em anyway.” She slowly meanders her way back to her starting place. For a minute there she wonders, hmmmm maybe I could try the Lady’s  bedroom; she always leaves her door slightly open….

Phatcatladie slowly, inch by inch, creeps through the shadows and finds herself standing in front of her Lady’s bedroom door. ‘Careful,’ she coaches herself, ‘this one is a light sleeper, don’t want to mess this up’. The suspect pokes her inquisitive head through the slightly opened door and squeezes her long body through the 4-5 inch space, ” I’m in!” She congratulates herself. Then with heart pounding a zillion beats per second, she looks at the sock drawer in dismay: This one is sealed tight! ” I did all this for nothing!” Phatcatladie scolds herself as she makes her way back out of the room ever so stealthily.

My other offending culprit is the dryer. Why is it that when I put all of the socks in the washing machine, they are together. When I throw them in the dryer, the pairs are still cozy, in two by two form. But it all changes when they come out of the dryer; something is always lost in translation and I smell a rat! Something’s missing in the state of the stocking world! What can possibly take place in there? A possible theory is that the dryer and Phatcatladie are in thick as thieves, you can’t tell me otherwise. I am going to continue until I solve this riddle. Somethings in life are a mystery and are never meant to be solved. This puzzle though has to have a solution. What do you think? Is there a sock conspiracy going on in your home? Perhaps you can share. I’d like to hear from other fellow conspiracy theorists  on this matter. 🙂

TFCL (talk from the clothesline)

When you sing a song to God, hold on because He will sing it back to you!

When you praise Him for all that He’s done and all that He is; He will praise  and brag on you, His child.

When you give something to God,He gives it back to you-multiplied! everything he does is magnified.

When you worship God from your being, He shows you how much He adores you!

Hallo Gott! (Hello God, in German).

Yesterday I was telling a friend  how people can look at me as if I’m crazy for the way I praise you during a church service. Some people will give me funny looks  as if to say,” What’s the big deal here? Does she need really to go on like that??” I find it amusing that folks will literally fall apart when their favorite NFL team scores during a game, yet when it comes time to praise YOU, they turn suddenly shy and uncomfortable.

 So next time you pass judgement on someone like me, who has freedom to hoot and holler for her God; remember  if you have that kind of zeal for your favorite pro ballers, God would like to hear you go on like that about Him from time to time 🙂

Ich werde mit dir reden später … Ich liebe dich!

TFCL (talk from the clothes line)

Ok God, please remind me to start doing laundry earlier in the day so I won’t be out here at 3pm when it’s the most scorching . The beads of perspiration forming on my upper lip and forehead remind me of the sound sizzling bacon makes on a live griddle.

Thanks for sending Raquel out here to pitch in. She said, “Mama I love the wet clothes on me ’cause it’s so hot.” Lightbulb! What a great idea. The help didn’t last long though; she couldn’t take the heat trying to bake her all of 4’5 frame so I sent her along.

Where were we God…AH yes, I know hell exists because  I live in a hot, arid climate and I imagine this has to be hell on earth! One big difference between this and the furnace that burns eternally: There is cold water, an occasional light breeze and shade! That’s what I imagine, it’s not like I want to find out! 🙂

Before I hang this last pair of socks, I just want you to know God, how glad I am that you are my friend.Chao for now ( as I make a fast dash for the shade of my porch where my ice cold water awaits.

Teddys on a clothesline.
Image via Wikipedia

I enjoy hanging my family’s laundry out to dry on a clothes line my husband made by the side of our house. I live in the desert so in the summer the clothes are air dried in a matter of minutes. For years I have done this and I want to share some of the things I muse over in my mind as I talk to God while I hang the clothes.

Hey God, I ‘m so glad you meet me out here as I do this because I don’t feel so alone in this heat. Please tell the annoying wind to stop blowing so hard b/c I’ll get sand on these fresh clean clothes…Thanks! ( As the wind quiets) 🙂

 You are so cool God! You have given my family and I so many blessings that when I sit down to write them all I run out of paper. Since you bless me so much in big and little ways everyday; feel free to tell me what I can do for you today to make you smile.

Thanks  for letting me write JR’s story. A long time ago I had a t-shirt that said: ” Speak for those who can’t speak for themselves” printed on the front of it. Well I never forgot that and ever since You have been blessing me for doing just that.

Ok, I’ll be back with the next load. It’ll be the whites; since it’s pretty big load, I’ll be out here more with you God. Thanks for hearing me and as always I look forward to our next chat! Chao!