Tag: Health

Just Believe: Part 8

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SET BACKS IN MY JOURNEY.

I have experienced some very low points throughout my battle with kidney failure. I felt like giving up once because it seemed like every time I was closer to getting a kidney transplant, some other new problem would pop up unexpectedly, thereby pushing back my progress. I have lost 5 chances of receiving a kidney because of this.

At one point I found out I was anorexic; I lost 60 lbs in 2 months. I started getting more and more depressed because of my condition so I would work out like a maniac. The only problem with that was that I was burning fuel without replacing it. I would look in the mirror and tell myself I had to stay at a certain weight; so I stopped eating like before only to make my parents and doctors worry more.

Then another time my weight totally went crazy when I was prescribed steroids that were supposed to help stop the bleeding in my lungs. It got to where I hated my whole look and I avoided looking in any mirror because all I saw staring back at me was this ugly, bloated, blow fish character.

My weight issues have messed with me so much that I had to go see a counselor for help. Thankfully, my weight has returned to normal.  I still watch everything I eat and sometimes I feel as if I should lose some weight.

Then there were the terrible mood swings and anxiety attacks I’ve endured. In order to treat the depression that stems from all of my health problems and treatments, the docs prescribed me pills to help me maintain a balanced mood. Well it got so bad at times; I felt like a ticking time bomb on some days, any little thing would cause me to explode just like an unpredictable volcano. I’m sure I was no fun to be around.

I became a human yo-yo and I hated it. So in order to deal with all of this I decided to change my whole image. I lost all the weight and  I tried to boost my ego with tattoos and piercings; I got as many of them as I could believing they would make me feel better about myself, but of course they didn’t because all that is superficial. The inside of me, my spirit man needed healing and no tattoo or piercing was going to heal THAT.

Book Covers

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You can never tell what a person is going through or what they’ve been through in their past just by casual observation. This Sunday I heard a lady talking about how her 16 year old daughter Autumn  was almost killed when a horse stepped on her when she was a toddler. Before I heard her story I had not paid much attention to this woman. Now that I know the painful trial she and her family endured, I want to know more about this person. I made my way to her and we exchanged pleasantries. Then I told her how I almost lost one of my kids when she was 7 weeks old. She looked at me with the same amazement I had when I first heard her story. This broke the ice and now I’m compelled to know this woman more.

Last month I heard another shocking story. I was sitting close to a man who looks just like the actor Morgan Freeman; I had to take a closer look to see if it really was. By the way, I am a huge fan of said actor. I kept running into this same man and I would imagine that he must have a grand life because the peace that surrounds him, gave me the impression that perhaps he wakes up everyday and sings,” Zippididoodah  Zippideeay, my oh my oh what a wonderful day!” Then I heard the most amazing story about this man.

He was handed a mic and he began to share his personal tragedy. He said his name was Willie; he had lost 3 children in a house fire and soon after he lost 2 more children in a second house fire. My lower jaw fell wide open and I felt it touch the floor below. I leaned forward as my heart began to weep for this man’s great loss. He also shared his faith and said that it was God that had brough him through the whole crisis. Before I left that day I made sure I went to him and I gave Willie a big hug; then something amazing happened, we found comfort in our hug because unbeknownst to Willie , I shared in his pain since I too have experienced the heart ache that comes from losing your whole family.

We are all books. We all wear different covers; some are dazzling and colorful. When I chose my own book cover for my book AS CLEAR AS CLAIRE GETS, I wanted it to be eye catching and inviting. My story is not an easy read and knowing that, I had to design  a colorful, fun, cover that would draw people in; once they’re in they’re  hooked. Other  book covers  are mild and peaceful betraying the tragedy that lies between the pages of the book.

Whatever you’ve been through, the cover doesn’t matter one bit. We all start out with a blank book and it’s up to us to fill in the pages. My book starts out with one tragedy after the next, but I’m going to make sure at the end of my life, on the last page, you’re going to read that I became an over comer and a conqueror through my faith in God. Some people’s books start and end in tragedy; don’t let that be you.  Choose instead to use your pain to help others. Then there are other books that start out in victory only to end terribly; what could have possibly happened?

Next time you meet someone new, pretend you’re in a library or a book store even, and be prepared to handle them with as much care and attention that you would give that book you’re considering as your your next great read. It is true: One cannot read a book by its cover; neither can one pass judgment on anyone just by merely glancing at their book cover.

I looked into your eyes,
I felt your pain.
I looked into my heart,
my pain is yours- we’re both the same.

Matthew 7:1-2

“Don’t judge so that you won’t be judged. For the way you judge others is how you will be judged-the measure with which you measure out will be used to measure to you.”

Just Believe: Part6

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During these 7 years I have learned to manage living with kidney failure. I’ve lost count of all the tests , x-rays, biopsies,cat-scans, blood transfusions I have had to under go. I can’t remember the last time I ever felt healthy; was I ever healthy before this?

There was a time before the doctors diagnosed me with kidney failure , where I had to be isolated for 3 days. I was somewhere between 8 or 9 years old. They used radiation in order to turn out my thyroid. To be honest I really don’t quite understand what any of it meant, all I know is I went through that and I knew even back then that God was with me.

I can remember once I was hospitalized and my dad was sitting with me playing chess. The nurses were changing their shifts and my dad had to leave; but before he did, he went to use the restroom. I climbed out of my bed and instantly my head felt like a balloon about to float away. I walked toward my dad and in a weak voice I told him I was light headed. He had great timing because he quickly spun around and caught me on my way down before I had the chance to bang my head on the toilet.

I had never seen my dad so scared; he’s a man that can take just about anything too. As I lay on the cold tile flooring I could hear him yelling at the nurses; it all sounded muffled and far away ;which is where I wished I could be; far away from this whole situation.Finally a nurse came and put me back in bed and then she realized I needed more blood so she ordered me a blood transfusion.

In 2010 I went through something that I never would have expected . I was home and I felt a new, strange pain in my chest. Thankfully my parents were close by and they rushed me into my dad’s white pick-up truck. As the minutes flew by I became numb; I felt rubbery from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I tell ya Gumby had nothing on me! At the entrance to the hospital, I tried to step out of the truck and my legs felt like the tendrils of a jelly fish; they gave out too. My dad was right there and caught me just in time again.

My dad threw me over his left shoulder  and he took off in a mad dash toward the ER.  If it had been a football game, he would have made a touchdown! I could hear him bellowing at the top of his lungs for help. I could count at least 7 nurses rushing to my gurney; everyone was talking so fast it made my head spin. All their words rushed at me with  such speed and intensity; I pictured my mind a highway running wild with bits and pieces of conversations and nothing made sense. After a little while though I was able to make out what was being said; because my potassium levels were sky high, I was in the early stages of a heart attack.

God’s grace and His favor saw me through what I now consider to be one of the scariest moments of my life. It sounds crazy; I’m a teen and I had just come very close to having had a heart attack. The next day it felt like God had given me a miracle, especially when I rose up out of my bed and I was walking around feeling way better than the day before. I still recall the amazed looks on those nurses; I think I was as surprised as they were.

In my next post I will tell you how JR has struggled with some other difficult issues that are all side effects of his condition.

Your Child’s Food Matters

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Have you ever heard it be said that you are what you eat? It’s true. Do you realize that there are so many ways to help out your children learn better and that one of them is so important but it’s dismissed? Nutritional deficiencies have been linked to various health problem; but that’s not where the lines should be drawn. I believe more attention needs to be paid to the fact that there are substances being sold in super markets and restaurants that try to pass for food when in fact they are just chemicals and additives made in a lab to enhance and “improve” the taste of foods.Some of these are: MSG, Nitrites that go in cold cuts to give them a longer shelf life at the super markets, food dyes (with red being one of the worst culprits).This is just a short list in the hopes that it’ll whet your appetite so you can start doing your own research on this vast subject. These food additives have been proven to wreak havoc in our bodies; so if an adult body can’t tolerate such things, what makes people think that a child’s body will fare any better?
I am posting a list of these awesome foods that should be a part of your kid(s) diet. Let’s get our children healthy so that they can learn better!
 
This chart is awesome! Everyone can use it. Please pass it on to others.    
 Apples Protects your heart Prevents constipation Blocks diarrhea Improves lung capacity Cushions joints
Apricots Combats cancer Controls blood pressure Saves your eyesight Shields against Alzheimer’s Slows aging process
Artichokes Aids digestion Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Guards against liver disease
Avocados Battles diabetes Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure smooths skin
Bananas Protects your heart Quiets a cough Strengthens bones Controls blood pressure Blocks diarrhea
Beans Prevents constipation Helps hemorrhoids Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Stabilizes blood sugar
Beets Controls blood pressure Combats cancer Strengthens bones Protects your heart Aids weight loss
Blueberries Combats cancer Protects your heart Stabilizes blood sugar Boosts memory Prevents constipation
Broccoli Strengthens bones Saves eyesight Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure
Cabbage Combats cancer Prevents constipation Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Helps hemorrhoids
Cantaloupe Saves eyesight Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Supports immune system
Carrots Saves eyesight Protects your heart Prevents constipation Combats cancer Promotes weight loss
Cauliflower Protects against Prostate Cancer Combats Breast Cancer Strengthens bones Banishes bruises Guards against heart disease
Cherries Protects your heart Combats Cancer Ends insomnia Slows aging process Shields against Alzheimer’s
Chestnuts Promotes weight loss Protects your heart Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure
Chili peppers Aids digestion Soothes sore throat Clears sinuses Combats Cancer Boosts immune system
Figs Promotes weight loss Helps stops strokes Lowers cholesterol Combats Cancer Controls blood pressure
Fish Protects your heart Boosts memory Protects your heart Combats Cancer Supports immune system
Flax Aids digestion Battles diabetes Protects your heart Improves mental health Boosts immune system
Garlic Lowers cholesterol Controls blood pressure Combats cancer Kills bacteria Fights fungus
Grapefruit Protects against heart attacks Promotes Weight loss Helps stops strokes Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol
Grapes Saves eyesight Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Enhances blood flow Protects your heart
Green tea Combats cancer Protects your heart Helps stops strokes Promotes Weight loss Kills bacteria
Honey Heals wounds Aids digestion Guards against ulcers Increases energy Fights allergies
Lemons Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure smooths skin Stops scurvy
Limes Combats cancer Protects your heart Controls blood pressure smooths skin Stops scurvy
Mangoes Combats cancer Boosts memory Regulates thyroid Aids digestion Shields against Alzheimer’s
Mushrooms Controls blood pressure Lowers cholesterol Kills bacteria Combats cancer Strengthens bones
Oats Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Battles diabetes Prevents constipation smooths skin
Olive oil Protects your heart Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Battles diabetes smooths skin
Onions Reduce risk of heart attack Combats cancer Kills bacteria Lowers cholesterol Fights fungus
Oranges Supports immune systems Combats cancer Protects your heart Straightens respiration
Peaches Prevents constipation Combats cancer Helps stops strokes Aids digestion Helps hemorrhoids
Peanuts Protects against heart disease Promotes Weight loss Combats Prostate Cancer Lowers cholesterol Aggravates 
Diverticulitis
Pineapple Strengthens bones Relieves colds Aids digestion Dissolves warts Blocks diarrhea
Prunes Slows aging process Prevents constipation Boosts memory Lowers cholesterol Protects against heart disease
Rice Protects your heart Battles diabetes Conquers kidney stones Combats cancer Helps stops strokes
Strawberries Combats cancer Protects your heart Boosts memory Calms stress
Sweet potatoes Saves your eyesight Lifts mood Combats cancer Strengthens bones
Tomatoes Protects prostate Combats cancer Lowers cholesterol Protects your heart
Walnuts Lowers cholesterol Combats cancer Boosts memory Lifts mood Protects against heart disease
Water Promotes Weight loss Combats cancer Conquers kidney stones smooths skin
Watermelon Protects prostate Promotes Weight loss Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Controls blood pressure
Wheat germ Combats Colon Cancer Prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Improves digestion
Wheat bran Combats Colon Cancer Prevents constipation Lowers cholesterol Helps stops strokes Improves digestion
Yogurt Guards against ulcers Strengthens bones Lowers cholesterol Supports immune systems Aids digestion
 
 

When Your Sister Turns Her Back on You

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I am the youngest of eight children. My oldest sister is six years older than I. Our mother became ill after having me. So naturally my eldest sister stepped in and took care of me as best as she could when I was but an infant. My mother passed away on what happened to be my sister’s birthday, my father’s passing came not too long after.

Looking back on my childhood, I see my sister in and out of my life at different intervals.I remember being separated from her for I don’t know how long. The day she came back,I was elated . I hung on to her when I finally saw her and I asked her.”Will you stay for a hundred days?” Back then at that age, that increment of time seemed like an eternity in my young mind.I looked up to her like a form of God at that moment . My sister… my hero.

Then there was the day that she had to leave me to come live in the United States. I was devastated. To this day I remember that we ate watermelon sprinkled with salt for breakfast. Then she was gone. I wasn’t taken to the airport to see her off. All I knew was she was gone for good.We wouldn’t be bathing our dolls anymore or letting them sit in the sun to dry off while we washed their clothes.

A few years later,my turn came to come live in the United States. I was being torn away from my other sister and brother. My last night with them,we all huddled closely in the same bed Each of us trying to comfort one another. I recall going to sleep while my other sister rocked me …I couldn’t stop crying and neither could she.

Boy was I ever surprised when I stepped off the plane on May 7, 1976 at Miami International Airport to be greeted by my eldest,”long lost sister”. It was the salve that my aching soul needed to feel welcome into a new country, family and life!
My first Christmas in the United States came and went with much fanfare. A lot of relatives came to visit. The music was rocking the house. Latin sounds permeated the atmosphere. Plenty of food and spirits to celebrate the season. In all the festivities,no one noticed that the two orphaned sisters were quietly tucked away in grandma’s bedroom. The older held the younger as they both rocked back and forth. Crying, trying to find comfort in each other’s arms.

Then there was the last Christmas that I saw my sister as a child. She came with my aunt and grandma just for the week-end. The hours flew by so quickly. When it was all said and done,she was on the Greyhound bus on a cold,damp, dreary morning. I went straight to my bed and I hugged my pillow so hard,wishing it was her instead. To this day, I still feel that ache;it reminds me of that nagging tooth ache that tells you to go see a dentist pronto or else you’ll be in for far worse.

So now where are we? More distant than ever. Life has dealt both of us blows. She is a success in her world. What she thinks of me? I have no idea! I used to resent her for still trying to mother me when I needed a sister. But time has whittled down those feelings too and left in place understanding. If she was with me right now what would I tell her? Thank you! I’m glad that you are my sister. I regret having hurt you but I was being merely human. To err is human to love is divine…I accept you with all your shortcomings and strengths will you do the same for me? I love you Mireya!
 
Eva Santiago Copyright 2011
 

Light in the Dark

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As We Forgive
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Light in the Dark
 
Your glorious presence
exposed my dark heart.
I shrunk back in shame:
You said, “No! No! Ben aqui.
“Come closer my sweet child,
I bear the burdens
of those who are meek and mild.
Go, I forgive you!
When you have a heart for Me;
I cover you with My pinions.
If you stumble I understand;
always holding your hand-
always quick to forgive.
All my angels at my command,
I send them to encamp around you.”
 
-Eva Santiago Copyright 2011
 
 
 

 

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I AM

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 A long time ago a neighbor gave me this beautiful piece in a black frame. I was going through some very tough times and she put this message in my hands. There are times in everyone’s lives that no matter how much you think you have it together, you don’t. We all need encouragement from time to time. No man is an island unto himself and if you think you are, then you are missing out. If you look back in history even the greatest of heroes needed up-lifting words to keep them strong. We can’t forget to pray for and encourage our leaders; they are human too and they need encouragement perhaps more so than those of us under their leadership. I hope you read this and pass it on to someone you know who needs some cheering up.
 
I Am God.
Today I will be handling all of your problems.
Please remember that I do not need your help.
If life happens to deliver a situation to you
that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it.
Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.
It will be addressed in MY time, not yours.
Once that matter is placed in the box, do not hold on to it.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic don’t despair,
there are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work;
think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad;
think of the person who has never known what it’s like
to love and to be loved.
Should you grieve the passing of another week end;
think of the woman in dire straits, working 12 hours a day,
7 days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance;
think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror;
think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering
what is life all about, asking what is my purpose;
Be thankful;
there are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness,
ignorance, smallness and insecurities;
remember, things could be worse:
You could be them!

-UKNOWN                                           

 

Doubt, Doubt

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Half smiling, half sad emoticon
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Doubt Doubt,
you make me ,
you make me pout.
You are a mouse.
Oh I feel quite frumpy,
when I listen to you,
I become a louse.

Doubt Doubt,
and I get nowhere.

Doubt, Doubt,
and I’ll pull all my hair out.
“SHUT UP!”

For you see,
doubt IS a tool;
I’m on to you!
I’m nobody’s fool.

Doubt is a sure sign
that I won’t quit or resign.
Doubt proves that I believe,
in something way bigger.

So get out of my way,
don’t come knocking at my door.
You come to visit,
but you can not stay.
I will never listen,
to anything doubt has to say.

Eva Santiago copyright 2009

 

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

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Good Day!
I wanted to share this piece with you. If you have children remember that they won’t be little forever; childhood is such a fleeting time and  they grow up before long. Do you ever look at your kids and think, ‘ I rememeber the day I brought you home from the hospital.’ I do, especially around birthdays. I have 3 teens in my home and 1 pre-teen and I never let a day go by without telling them or showing them in some way that they are loved and appreciated; they need to hear words  like that more than ever these days. Even if you don’t have any children of your own, find a young person to be good to; remember they ARE our future and we need to invest in them. Have a great day and hug your kid/kids today!!
Children Learn what they live…If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with honesty,
He learns truth.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.

Dorothy Law Nolte

 

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Just Believe (My Life Story) Part One

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I met JR Rendon back at my old neighborhood and we’ve been friends ever since. He is a young man struggling with kidney failure since he was 14 years old. When I published AS CLEAR AS CLAIRE, I gave him a copy of my book. A short time later I ran into him and he asked me to help him tell his story. You never know how your single act of obedience will be used to inspire and even unlock someone else. Recently JR came to my home and he shared the details of his experience with me; afterwards I took his notes along with mine and used them to build the story. With his permission I am posting it here because it is his wish that people read it in order to be helped. Thank you JR for allowing me this honor!

 

 JUST BELIEVE

We all have issues; you have a choice in how to overcome them. God has given all of us the gift of choice. In Genesis He tell us: “ I have set before you life and death; blessing and curse. Choose life that you and your children may live. Well, I want to share with you how I was choosing death for a long time and I was getting nowhere.

 

It all started for me when I was 14 and I realized I had no control over some of the problems in my life. I was fine one day and the next day something unexpected happened: I found out I was sick. It happened on a Friday when I visited my family doctor for a regular check up. Dr. Felter did his normal routine with me and asked me how I was . I joked that I wished I were taller and he told me not to worry because being tall was over rated. We both laughed because he happened to be only a little taller than me. Before I left his office he did order some blood work to be done for me and after he took some samples I was free to go.

 

I went home that afternoon feeling pretty good about my life. Once I got home I called Erik and Victor and told them to meet me at the skate park. I was going to pound all of my pent up energy into my board and forget all about the hassles of the past week. That whole week end I spent with my family; we hung out and had a huge cook out in our back yard. Some of my family came from Cali and it was fun to be with my cousins again. I had no

idea what was coming to me.

 

Monday rolled around as usual with the speed of a lightning bolt. Dr. Felter called my mom and I saw her face change in a flash; her smile disappeared from her small face only to be replaced by deep furrowed lines of worry on her forehead. That concerned me . Once she hung up with Dr. Felter, she told me,

“ Junior, hurry up and put some clothes on.”

“ Mom, I’m tired I was gonna go skate …” she interrupted me,

“ C’mon we have to go NOW!” I didn’t say another word and did as she said. On the ride in our white family sedan my thoughts were racing as in a Nascar speed track ; all my thoughts were crashing into each other and I felt loco.

 

Once we arrived at the hospital we went to emergency and they did all the routine work on me. They asked me for a urine sample and then gave me a bed to rest in because I was in for a long wait. Finally after what seemed forever and a day a young doctor with a heavy Russian accent came in to speak to us. I read his name tag: Dr. Malkov and I tried hard to listen to what he was saying.. He told my mom that there was blood in my urine sample . I looked from my mom to the doctor and I panicked because the looks on both of their faces was not a good one. Shortly afterwards I was transferred to Sun Valley hospital where they specialize in helping people with kidney failure.

 

I was starting to feel like a specimen on a petri dish from all of the blood tests, x-rays, biopsies and cat scans I had to endure. And, after all the results came back, my tormentors my doctors could not figure out why I was so sick and growing sicker . I was admitted into the hospital and kept under close observation for the next three weeks. When my sentence expired, I was released and the doctors still had no idea as to what was wrong . I felt pretty good as I made my way home that day.

 

I had not been home for long when my condition took a turn for the worst. All the food I ate, I would vomit and as if I needed any more cause for concern, I started spitting up blood. Great, I had made it out of that blasted hospital for almost a whole week and my mom had to rush me back before I even had a chance to go skating again with Erik and Victor. Once at the hospital I began vomiting blood; so I was hooked up to an IV and the doctors tending to me began administering medications in order to stop the bleeding and the vomiting. Meanwhile x-rays were ordered for me and once the results returned they showed blood in my lungs. I had to stay for more observation in the ER for 2 nights.

 

After the two days I was transported to another hospital where the doctors ordered lung and kidney biopsies for me. Once the results returned, the experts informed us that they had found scar tissue in my lungs from all the bleeding. At this time I learned I had kidney failure and that I would have to undergo dialysis and meanwhile I would be placed on a waiting list for a kidney transplant.

 

I was dumbstruck along with my parents; I felt fear running through me as never before- a chill would course through my veins that not even the hot sun in this scorching desert I call home could dispel. My parents, Sharon and Manny both shared my fear and that day I remember crying my eyes out. Man, I didn’t know I had THAT many tears and still they wouldn’t stop coming.

 

At this point in my journey I began to feel a strong anger toward God. I would think; ’Really, God? Why me? I hated that I was having to miss so much school. Soon it became tougher to keep up; I went from being a some what out going kid at school to someone who decided to completely shy away from people. I missed so many days that on the weeks when I did go to school I would show up only to feel judged and snubbed by the other kids. So I decided to put an a coat of armor as self protection. I was so sick of everything and everybody and I put on my best tough ass look that I could muster as a way to cope with all of this misfortune.

 

Before I discovered about my sickness I would put up with all of the mean teasing from bullies at school; and believe me that was no picnic but at least I believed in myself enough to just shrug off the stupid hurtful words. Now though, things were different and I felt my patience ebbing low and I got to where I wanted to beat the next person who called me “Big Eyes” to a bloody pulp. Prior to the illness, I had been able to talk to just about anyone who tried to friend me. Now I had become quite shy and I tried to stay away from people so they would not talk to me. I remember hanging my head low a lot and the bad attitude I wore now was what I thought was giving me the strength to get by each day; I was so wrong but back then I didn’t know it. My bad attitude toward everything was hurting me more than I could ever imagine.

 

I began dialysis right away; I had lost a lot of weight and my nice brown skin was now sallow and pale. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I had to go to dialysis 3 times per week and each session lasted 3 and ½ hours.

 

7 years have passed since this illness came into my life. I still go to dialysis and I’m on the waiting list for a kidney. I have since discarded my bad attitude like a cheap coat you throw away in the dumpster because it was dragging me down and impeding my process. I have also stopped asking God, “ Why me?” Now I have more of a clear understanding and I see that none of this is God’s fault. God did not make me sick as I was under the wrong impression before. I blamed God for this and it drove me far away from Him which is not what I wanted at all.

 

God uses everything , good and bad that happens to us for HIS glory. No, He is not getting any glory from my sickness; He IS however getting glory from how I choose to handle this. The choice is mine: Do I trust Him completely no matter how this turns out? Or, Do I keep trying to make sense of it all and try to take care of it myself with out His help? He gets the glory when I allow Him to take care of me because that’s when He shows up and shows off. God loves it when we trust Him even when there is no apparent reason to keep trusting Him. Little did I know that in all of this He was growing my faith by leaps and bounds. Everything works for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

 

Ask yourself right now; am I willing to TRUST that God is God and that he can and will help me in whatever situation I may be facing? Or, am I going to go on doubting Him and struggling to make it work on my own. All God asks of you is obedience and the rest He takes care of. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him and that takes FAITH my friend.

 

As I look back on these last 7 years I am able to see how God has had my back through this whole ordeal. Once I almost had a heart attack and the next day I got out of my hospital bed and started walking around because I felt good; this surprised all of the doctors. Miracles are real and I believe that God does big and small miracles for us all the time; we have to be in tune though and believe that He is who He says He is.

 

I have come to accept where I am right now in my life. I don’t fight it anymore; my bad attitude had me in the same place the children of Israel were in when they left Egypt. They complained bitterly that God had brought them out to the desert to abandon them; this angered God because they would not trust Him. Without realizing it, their grumbling made a short journey into one that took them the long way through the desert .They reached the promised land 40 years later when they could have gotten there in a week‘s time. Well, I know what they went through personally because of my sour attitude and all of the complaining I did.

 

As I see it now, God was never and has never been out to get me. He chose me, hand picked me even to demonstrate His love and power to and through me. God taught me that just because the doctors give me a bad prognosis, it doesn’t mean I have to live my life in fear. If I TRUST Him, I can over come whatever comes my way. Before when I was letting the sickness rule me, I was miserable because it was in control which drove me to a terrible, unbearable depression. Looking back now out of my fear I was choosing death every single day and I spent my days wallowing and brooding in self pity. We don’t move God with our begging and our tears- FAITH is the only way to get God to move on your behalf. It doesn’t work any other way.

 

So when I stopped playing the self pity woe is me game, that’s when everything changed for me. Hind sight has shown me that I made these past 5 years harder on myself and this held me back from making any progress; my wrong choices made my journey much longer and harder to bear . Blaming God is pointless. I chose this for myself, He had a better plan for me and out of fear, doubt and unbelief I chose wrong. The day I chose to shut my complaining mouth up and I asked God to forgive me for all of my complaining was a pivotal point in my life. Ever since, things have begun to move for me. Everyday that passes by is bringing me closer to my kidney transplant.

 

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. Without faith it is impossible to please God. Impossible is nothing. Keep trusting and believing. Believe and let live!

 

COPYRIGHT

May 30,2011

WRITTEN BY EVA SANTIAGO BASED ON THE FACTS JR RENDON TOLD