Tag: Family

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 1

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I was inspired this morning to start a 30 day Blog Challenge. The questions are from an interesting little book I picked up a while ago at a thrift store. THE MOM & DAD QUESTION, CREATIVE QUESTIONS to HONOR the FAMILY by Bret Nicholaus and Paul Lowrie. I will post one question per day and I will give you an answer that came from times of our discussing this little book at our family‘s dinner table. I look forward to my reader’s responses, so YES by all means leave me YOUR answers in the comments section of this blog. Since The Holidays are coming up, maybe you can pick up your own copy of this book and bring it to your own family’s holiday celebrations 🙂

Question #1:

For each one of your children, where were you and what were you doing when you realized that it was definitely time for your baby to be born?

Answer: Child #1: I was in the hospital where they induced me. Child #2: I was home trying to get some sleep when at midnight,  the contractions were coming at regular intervals. Child #3: I was making lunch for my 2 other kids who were toddlers at the time. Child #4: I was preparing dinner for my whole family and suddenly I had to call my midwife.

 

Label Pickle Jars NOT People!

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Braille wine label on a bottle of Lazarus wine... Image via Wikipedia

I hate labels. There, that says it all.  I have but only one name I answer to and that is the name my daddy gave me at birth. To show how much I despise labels when I first met my husband he and I were arguing while on our way home. We were at a red light and he crossed the line by calling me a female dog; I went berserk for a minute and I just raised my foot and put it right through the windshield of his car. He never labeled me like that again!

From the time I lost my parents I was labeled an orphan, and might I add that happened to me at a very young age. Then later on the other labels came and it made me boil inside because all I wanted to do was be myself; and that’s hard to achieve when you are being constantly categorized, stereo typed and labeled. The only things that have to have labels are food products, medicines and anything else that is not a breathing, walking living soul with a heart.

I once went to a counselor to try to figure out somethings in my past. After I told her what I’d been through she never labeled me; she did me a huge favor and reminded me I was anything but a victim because I had over come so much with God‘s help. THAT was great news to hear and it set me free. This same counselor though, did my husband a disservice. After several sessions with him she labeled him co-dependant. Why was that a disservice to him? Because he began to cling to that label and it made him remain the same.  I have observed for several years now how labeling someone serves to cripple them and they stay bound by the words spoken over them.

Life and death are in the tongue. Our words can break  the shackles that bind us or they can serve to further imprison us. Label a child stupid and he will believe that he is stupid all of his life. Tell a child that she is brilliant and she will aspire to much. People are not jars of pickles so top labeling them!

2 years ago we met with a family counselor because we all had issues. After our first session Bruce, the counselor told my husband and I that our children are a cut above the rest of any kids he had ever met. Last night we hear something entirely different. We spoke with a well meaning person who after a couple of hours of listening to our family air out some very strong feelings in a counseling setting, said that my kids are victims. WTH? Things didn’t change so much in our home from the last time we saw a family counselor to now.  Be careful what you let some well meaning counselor speak over yourself or your children.

After this encounter, my kids came up to me right away and told me, ” Mom, how can that man call us victims when our last family counselor told us we are a cut above the rest? Mom, sure we’ve been hurt by stuff but that’s life! And, mom, victims are people who get hurt but they never get up, they stay there, wounded.”  My 15 year old daughter put it so eloquently, ” I just reign from my place of pain.” My kids let me know they didn’t appreciate what was spoken over them, they didn’t receive one bit of it. So my husband and I prayed over them and broke the power of those words.

God, I pray that you help all of us stop labeling one another. Give us eyes to see people they way you see us. You are such an awesome God because you never label us, you just call us your children. Help us do likewise.


Let Kids BE Kids

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LET KIDS BE KIDS!

On Sunday Johnnie has tennis lesson.
Come Monday it’s piano.
Tuesday the tutor comes
to teach him Latin and Esperanto.
Wednesday is his cooking lesson,
Thursday he takes fencing.
By Friday Johnnie is worn out
but off he goes to batting practice.
On Saturday he wished he could snooze
but oh no- he better win and not lose!
The game is all about his parents
no one ever bothered asking Johnnie,
what HE dreams of doing-
no one ever let Johnnie daydream.
 
So Johnnie grows up frustrated, annoyed and irritated;
now he goes off to a job he hates.
And John has a son-Junior.
And John does the same to him.
Only this time Junior has a back bone.
Junior says, “No way!”
“Dad, I love you!”
” Dad, thanks but no thanks.
I have dreams I must do.
I’m gonna be who I wanna be.
I was born to be ME;
and not a little replica of you!”
 
Eva Santiago COPYRIGHT 2011
 

When Your Sister Turns Her Back on You

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I am the youngest of eight children. My oldest sister is six years older than I. Our mother became ill after having me. So naturally my eldest sister stepped in and took care of me as best as she could when I was but an infant. My mother passed away on what happened to be my sister’s birthday, my father’s passing came not too long after.

Looking back on my childhood, I see my sister in and out of my life at different intervals.I remember being separated from her for I don’t know how long. The day she came back,I was elated . I hung on to her when I finally saw her and I asked her.”Will you stay for a hundred days?” Back then at that age, that increment of time seemed like an eternity in my young mind.I looked up to her like a form of God at that moment . My sister… my hero.

Then there was the day that she had to leave me to come live in the United States. I was devastated. To this day I remember that we ate watermelon sprinkled with salt for breakfast. Then she was gone. I wasn’t taken to the airport to see her off. All I knew was she was gone for good.We wouldn’t be bathing our dolls anymore or letting them sit in the sun to dry off while we washed their clothes.

A few years later,my turn came to come live in the United States. I was being torn away from my other sister and brother. My last night with them,we all huddled closely in the same bed Each of us trying to comfort one another. I recall going to sleep while my other sister rocked me …I couldn’t stop crying and neither could she.

Boy was I ever surprised when I stepped off the plane on May 7, 1976 at Miami International Airport to be greeted by my eldest,”long lost sister”. It was the salve that my aching soul needed to feel welcome into a new country, family and life!
My first Christmas in the United States came and went with much fanfare. A lot of relatives came to visit. The music was rocking the house. Latin sounds permeated the atmosphere. Plenty of food and spirits to celebrate the season. In all the festivities,no one noticed that the two orphaned sisters were quietly tucked away in grandma’s bedroom. The older held the younger as they both rocked back and forth. Crying, trying to find comfort in each other’s arms.

Then there was the last Christmas that I saw my sister as a child. She came with my aunt and grandma just for the week-end. The hours flew by so quickly. When it was all said and done,she was on the Greyhound bus on a cold,damp, dreary morning. I went straight to my bed and I hugged my pillow so hard,wishing it was her instead. To this day, I still feel that ache;it reminds me of that nagging tooth ache that tells you to go see a dentist pronto or else you’ll be in for far worse.

So now where are we? More distant than ever. Life has dealt both of us blows. She is a success in her world. What she thinks of me? I have no idea! I used to resent her for still trying to mother me when I needed a sister. But time has whittled down those feelings too and left in place understanding. If she was with me right now what would I tell her? Thank you! I’m glad that you are my sister. I regret having hurt you but I was being merely human. To err is human to love is divine…I accept you with all your shortcomings and strengths will you do the same for me? I love you Mireya!
 
Eva Santiago Copyright 2011
 

Family First

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Disneyland's Sleeping Beauty Castle on May 5, ...
Image via Wikipedia
I am a keen observer. When my kid’s friends come over I listen to their conversations as I’m busy doing things. I hear how the kids go on out of state trips to amusement parks and such with out their parents. It almost seems that the school has become a type of surrogate parent for kids now a days. The kids I talk to for the most part aren’t even phased by the fact that their family isn’t as tight as it needs to be. I came away thinking that perhaps I’m bringing my kids up to be too attached to their immediate family; then I remember that that’s the way it was intended to be.
 
If you ever read The Bible Genesis 10:4,20,31,32; we find the first reference to “nations” arising from family groups. You can see how important the family is to God. God created the family before He gave us ways to govern ourselves. So if family is deemed important to The Creator, shouldn’t we be placing family first? I have been ridiculed to my face and behind my back by people who think I’m doing a disservice to my kids by not sending them to public school. These nay sayers always mock saying that my kids are overly sheltered. Interestingly enough when I consider the source of these ignorant comments, I find most of these people don’t have very good family situations. I just shake my head and wonder how they can judge me for what I do when I’ve never bother them about their unruly, rude kids.
 
 
 
 

Life is Messy: Live and Love to the Fullest

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Dear Reader, I wrote this post back in 2009 when I had another blog. I wanted to share it since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…Remember how special you truly are!!VD

Life is messy. Nature reflects the messiness of life. We spend our whole time here making sense of the chaos; ordering our lives so as to try to put a handle on the mess. Life never works out as neat and tidy Algebraic equation In math, it all works out without fail. Follow a prescribed method and WAPA! Problem solved , move on!

Well, life hardly mirrors mathematics. It does have prescribed patterns and formulas. For instance, there are physical laws such as gravity as well as spiritual laws of reaping and sowing. These and a multitude of others are set in place so we may have order in the midst of chaos.

We are taught as children to follow and obey  all that is set before us then, PRESTO!  We will be successful and have a great life. The more we live though, we all come to the same conclusion; life is messy. The Golden Rule says to treat others  as you would like to be treated. The problem is it works sometimes and at other times people can be down right cruel. Then there is the pursue love at all costs and yet again, when we do, we are left feeling stranded at times…life is messy. So, you love someone and you keep loving that person no matter what and they never love you back; another unsolved equation.

Love is never a science; knowledge of facts or principles gained by systematic study. The laws of science dictate cause and effect. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, that’s how science works. Love is messy because there are no guarantees; if I love, that does not guarantee that my actively loving someone will cause that person to love me back equally and with the same measure of love. The human heart is an ocean with its shallow areas where we can swim and feel all is well within; don’t worry there are no “be ware of sharks” signs  posted. Swim safely. Then there are those areas where the light has never reached; similar to those parts of the ocean where no man ,no camera has ever seen. There IS life in those depths awaiting our discovery. We fear the unfamiliar, so we stay in the shallow parts for our safety. Deep calls to deep and when we hear that call to venture out more, where it’s messy and chaotic, where things simply don’t add up, then we back paddle back to our safe zone. It takes trust to venture out to the unknown recesses  in our hearts; to let love into areas that remain in the dark. Love is light; a closed up heart is a heart in  darkness. Fear keeps  us locked up thereby giving us a false security. The wise man said that out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks; we unlock or lock people up with our words; life giving words unlock others and poisonous words that curse keep others locked up as in a cell…solitary confinement. Love requires relationships. Some say, ” I love you but I have a hard time showing you. ” Well, love is easy to spot…it’s messy and all over the place. Picture a little child who was trying to make you breakfast and went on to make a great mess in attempting so. A little dab won’t do you; you have to reach out and take all you can. The more you take then you have more than enough to give to others. So if you take only a little, you’ll only have enough for you and that’s why you say, ” I love you but I can’t show you because I haven’t enough for the two of us.

Love should be celebrated everyday because everyday is a brand new opportunity for love to come into those dark areas in our hearts. People tolerate love because its nature is unpredictable, nerve wracking and annoying, especially when it show up unexpectedly. If we relegate it to a few holidays such as Christmas Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and all the minor holidays that fall in between, then love is confined and it loses intensity. Love’ REAL LOVE baffles the mind and astounds the senses and it should. God is Love; Love is God. God so loves us, with a messy kind of all over the place love;the kind that was powerful enough to gift us His only Son. He puts His heart on the line for us and the best we can do is love one another and in doing so we are loving Him.

Eva Santiago copyright 2009,2014
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