WHAT DO YOU TELL YOURSELF

What do you tell yourself

When you look in the mirror

When no one’s looking

When no one’s there

When no one’s listening

 

What do you tell yourself

In the dark

In the rain

In the mist

In the abyss

 

What do you tell yourself when you’re staring into the heavens

At the constellations

At the Big Dipper

At the Milky Way

 

What do you tell yourself

When your petty crimes far exceed your self-righteous ways?

 

What do you tell yourself when you’re in the company of a stranger?

 

What do you tell yourself when yesterday’s lies no longer bring you comfort?

 

What do you tell yourself when all you feel is great discomfort and disdain?

 

What do you tell yourself when you don’t even deem yourself worthy of being your own best friend?

 

What do you tell yourself when all you have is your own shadow to call your best friend?

 

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

WINTER OF WANT

Winter of want
Several seasons of this …
I am weary
I wake up daily
Put my nice smile back on
Yeah, gotta make sure everyone knows I’m ok
But inside
I am not
I am not ok with the needs
I am not ok with this winter of want
I am not ok with standing
I am a person of action
Lately my actions don’t seem to amount to much
I am not ok with laying down and taking it
FUCK!!!!!!
When does this winter of want end??
I close my eyes and I see myself running in fields of plenty
I see seeds I sowed long ago
Finally bringing forth their fruit
This is my only hope
In this long, weary winter of want

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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YOU HEARD MY SOUL

You heard my soul
My breath
My heart beat
My energy

I heard your soul
You baby sweet breath
Your tiny heart beat
Your new energy

The universe conspired
To line up our stars
To make sure all the glitter fell in all the right places
To make sure the constellations would align

You are here not here by happenstance
For I don’t believe in luck
Nor do I believe in chance or mere coincidence

You are here by some grand design
Bigger than both of us
I used to not believe in magic
But now I do
Magic is another word, a feeble attempt
To describe the mysteries of the universe
UNIVERSE:
One Poem
One Lyric
One Sonnet
One Line
One Ode

The universe let love in with:
One poem
One Lyric
One Sonnet
One Line
One Ode

Without love none of US would be here.

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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When in pain, I dig in the soil of my heart and I begin to sift through its debris. I begin to find shiny things , those I keep. I run across dull, opaque objects that I have to turn this way and that in order to grasp their full value. Sometimes those bits are just crap and I cast them aside. I don’t like to journal about the obvious things that are happening at the moment in my life. Why write about what I am currently living? It’s like watching the same movie for the 100th time and knowing how it’s going to end at minute two of the opening scene. I write when I am in pain because that is where I connect the most with myself.

The Sea Owns the Tide

The sea owns the tide
Just like the moon owns the night
Just like the sun owns the day
Just like the stars own the sapphire hued heavens
Just like the light owns the dark
Just like the darkness owns nothing
Just like nothing owns the abyss

The sea owns the tide
Just like the grave owns life
Just like life owns all that is everlasting
Because death is not final

The sea owns the tide
Just like hatred owns what’s bitter
Just like the honey comb owns sweet nectar
Just like life owns breath
Just like blood owns life-
For the life of a thing is in its blood

The sea owns the tide
Just like summer owns growth
Just like fall owns decay
Just like winter owns stillness
Just like spring owns new life

The sea owns the tide
There’s never a way of knowing
Which way it’s gonna turn
The tide is high
It’s time to move on

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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Written on Your Tomb Stone

What do you want your head stone to say?
What was your story?
Were you a mean son of a bitch?
Were you a crazy ass bitch?
What do you want written on your tomb stone?
Were you a heart breaker?
Were you a mender of hearts?
Were you an open wallet?
Were you a stingy penny pincher?
Were you a bitter slave?
Were you a happy free man?
Were you a train wreck?
Were you one who cleaned up after the wreck?
Were you selfish?
Were you a shy fish hiding in your shell?
Were you a flower who never bloomed?
Were you an opened up full of abundant life sun flower?
Was your heart a frozen tundra
Where people you were supposed to nurture died of starvation from your neglect?
Were you a fertile valley
Where people grew like trees
And the multitudes bloomed from your love?
Were you a discourager?
Were you an encourager?
Were you someone people ran from because all you caused them to feel was pain?
Did you draw people to you because of your love
Like a powerful magnet?
What will your head stone read?
Will there be a line of people at your wake
Tripping over themselves, waiting to eulogize you?
Will there be no one at your wake
Because no one bothered since you never bothered caring for others
What will your head stone read?

EVA SANTIAGO copyright2014

A+Student

Taking back her power
A glorious, lovely, breath-taking, inspiring thing
She gave away her power unintentionally
Bit by bit
Never in a flash
She let it erode unknowingly
She sends him a text
Showers him with love through words
He responds through actions
She takes note and adjusts
She is with him
Burning with passion
He acts cool and aloof
And she adjusts again
She learns not to give away all of her power
He teaches her through actions
“Learn to be more selfish with yourself,” he tells her
Thusly she becomes his A+ student…..

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

DON’T DOWNSIZE YOUR LIE

People lie
That’s all there is to it
When you’ve been lied to
Don’t act like you’re gonna die
Don’t act like you aint never told one either
Don’t act like it’s the end of your pristine little world
Be honest:
You’ve lied before too
Faked an orgasm?
That’s a lie
Told your kids about Santa Clause?
That’s a lie
Denied things and wouldn’t face them?
That’s a lie
Broke a promise you’d swore you’d always keep?
That’s a lie too
So stop being a martyr when you catch some one in a lie
WE ALL LIE
Some tell white lies
Some tell big whopping tales
And yet we put lies on some sort of pay grade scale
When fact is: If you didn’t tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth:
YOU LIED!
So don’t make yourself feel better by down sizing your lie
The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
The fool says in his heart, ” I only tell white lies.”
Let’s face it: People lie
You don’t have to confess it to a priest
Chances are he lies his ass off too
He’s human just like you and me

L.LOVE
I.Is
E.Exiting
S.Silently

EVA SANTIAGO COPYRIGHT 2014

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TURN IT OFF AND TUNE IN

Turn off the music
Pull the ear buds out
Shut your phone off
Your iPod can wait
Sit and be still
Listen to nature’s song
Birds are always singing
Tree leaves whisper ancient mysteries
Tree trunks silently testify
Watching you watch them
As you reflect
They reflect back
Trees in my yard
Know what went on in this house
Long before I arrived
Even the warm dirt beneath my feet
Can silently attest to that
16 boulders ’round the olive tree
Some one took their time
To place them there
Was that some one’s sacred altar?
Those stones were placed with care
This place is sacred to me
I come and I:
Ponder
Wonder
Seek
Ask and thank…
I leave my burdens here
I come to be
Man made cathedrals keep true God worshippers out
Nature’s cathedral
Welcomes one and all
Man made cathedrals
Cost a lot of money
Built by the sweat of man’s brow
Nature’s Cathedral
Is free and cost not a single life
Man made cathedrals
As exclusive as a country club
You must conform to be part of their clique
Nature’s cathedral
Expands far beyond what the naked eye can see
Reaching to the ocean
And across the horizon
Covering miles of ground
Reaching into the heavens
To include the Milky Way
And worlds beyond our grasp
Man made cathedrals
Here one day and gone the next
Nature’s cathedral
Was from days gone by
Is now in my back yard
With us still in the up and coming new earth!

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

MIRACLE MAGNET

I shut the voice of reason up
Telling it to go to hell!
Miracles are chased away by reasoning
I wanna be a miracle magnet
Not a miracle repellant
It’s my choice!

It’s YOUR choice
What are ya gonna do?
Keep reasoning away life’s mysteries-
You’ll never see the glory of a rose in full bloom
The sun rising and setting will elude you
A new born’s scent will not reach your nose to awaken your tender self
A child’s laugh will bypass your hearing and you’ll not be sweet and innocent
Spring time rains will never mist the parched places of your heart

BE A MIRACLE MAGNET!
See the sun rise and setting on a rose’s single petal
A new born’s scent will permeate your being
For you too,came from God’s own throne room
You once came from heaven
And back to heaven is where your heart longs to return
You’ll hear the music that is childhood’s laughter
Your heart will sing the melody right back to you
So arise from your ashes and go forth
The day is fast approaching
When you’ll no longer have a choice
Make up your mind before it’s too late…

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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LIFE IS MESSY: LIVE AND LOVE ABUNDANTLY!

Dear Reader, I wrote this post back in 2009 when I had another blog. I wanted to share it since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…Remember how special you truly are!!VD

Life is messy. Nature reflects the messiness of life. We spend our whole time here making sense of the chaos; ordering our lives so as to try to put a handle on the mess. Life never works out as a neat and tidy Algebraic equation. In math, it all adds up. Follow a prescribed method and WAPA! Problem solved , move on!

Well, life hardly mirrors mathematics. It does have prescribed patterns and formulas. For instance, there are physical laws such as gravity as well as spiritual laws of reaping and sowing. These and a multitude of others are set in place so we may have order in the midst of chaos.

We are taught as children to follow and obey all that is set before us then, PRESTO! We will be successful and have a great life. The more we live though, we all come to the same conclusion; life is messy. The Golden Rule says to treat others as you would like to be treated. The problem is it works sometimes and at other times people can be down right cruel. Then there is the pursue love at all costs and yet again, when we do, we are left feeling stranded at times…life is messy. So, you love someone and you keep loving that person no matter what and they never love you back; another unsolved equation.

Love is never a science; knowledge of facts or principles gained by systematic study. The laws of science dictate cause and effect. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, that’s how science works. Love is messy because there are no guarantees; if I love, that does not guarantee that my actively loving someone will cause that person to love me back equally and with the same measure of love. The human heart is an ocean with its shallow areas where we can swim and feel all is well within; don’t worry there are no “be ware of sharks” signs posted. Swim safely. Then there are those areas where the light has never reached; similar to those parts of the ocean where no man ,no camera has ever seen. There IS life in those depths awaiting our discovery. We fear the unfamiliar, so we stay in the shallow parts for our safety. Deep calls to deep and when we hear that call to venture out more, where it’s messy and chaotic, where things simply don’t add up, then we back paddle back to our safe zone. It takes trust to venture out to the unknown recesses in our hearts; to let love into areas that remain in the dark. Love is light; a closed up heart is a heart in darkness. Fear keeps us locked up thereby giving us a false security. The wise man said that out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks; we unlock or lock people up with our words; life giving words unlock others and poisonous words that curse keep others locked up as in a cell…solitary confinement. Love requires relationships. Some say, ” I love you but I have a hard time showing you. ” Well, love is easy to spot…it’s messy and all over the place. Picture a little child who was trying to make you breakfast and went on to make a great mess in attempting so. A little dab won’t do you; you have to reach out and take all you can. The more you take then you have more than enough to give to others. So if you take only a little, you’ll only have enough for you and that’s why you say, ” I love you but I can’t show you because I haven’t enough for the two of us.

Love should be celebrated everyday because everyday is a brand new opportunity for love to come into those dark areas in our hearts. People tolerate love because its nature is unpredictable, nerve wracking and annoying, especially when it show up unexpectedly. If we relegate it to a few holidays such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and all the minor holidays that fall in between, then love is confined and it loses intensity. Love, REAL LOVE baffles the mind and astounds the senses and it should. God is Love; Love is God. God so loves us, with a messy kind of all over the place love;the kind that was powerful enough to gift us His only Son. He puts His heart on the line for us and the best we can do is love one another and in doing so we are loving Him.

Eva Santiago copyright 2009,2014

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