OUR YESTERDAYS

Our yesterdays become today’s poetry

What mis-guided steps we took in earlier days

Become the compass to guide or mis-guide us through life’s tempests in later years

Our flood of tears that overwhelmed us as babes

Water and keep fertile our heart’s soil in our golden years

Our early attempts at art:

Our stick figures we clumsily drew and our finger paintings

Become the force behind master strokes

On the masterpiece we paint of our whole life

The notes we failed to carry when we were tone deaf

Become the notes angelic beings carry to and fro

Up and down Jacob’s ladder

Aligning the celestial harmonies

Between our heavenly residence and our earthly abode

The multitude of our unanswered questions

We asked while at our parent’s knees

Become our song’s lyrics

The stuff of our novels , stories and poems

We are greater than the sum of earth’s square footage

We are greater than the power of all rulers, past and present combined

Our greatness emanates from the Divine!

Eva Santiago copyright 2016

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C.R.Y.

The best tears you cry is when you’re alone. When you cry in some one else’s presence, you feel compelled to explain away how you feel.. The other person feels helpless . Both of you are sad. When you cry alone, you are just being YOU at your most vulnerable and that is good.

No fanfare

No pity

No explaining to do

Just cry it out…

Best places to shed your tears?

Out in the cold rain

In a hot bath/shower

In the warm ocean

Your tears return home in these familiar places

Worst places to shed your tears?

In front of people because most of the time, they don’t know what to do or say…people want to know why. Sometimes whys are not forthcoming.

Eva Santiago copyright 2014

THOUGHT WAR

My thoughts run a muck .
My thought stagger.
My thoughts run limp.
My thought run at the speed of light.
My thoughts meander down less traveled paths where light has not reached yet
My thoughts dance in the rain
My thoughts celebrate life
My thoughts weep at death
My thoughts always communing with me
My thoughts always making love with my spirit
My thoughts always at war with my flesh
My thoughts always at peace with my heart
My thoughts lay scattered about
My thoughts always in a haze of self-doubt
My thoughts are mine and mine alone
I own the ones that are true-discarding the lying ones
My thoughts gallivanting about on endless fields of green
My thoughts gliding effortlessly about as sailboats  on clear blue seas
My thoughts cascading like the Tequendama Falls
My thoughts orbiting the moon and watching the Milky Way knowing of galaxies beyond
My thoughts are old
My thoughts are new
My thoughts are borrowed
My thoughts are blue
My thoughts reflecting the colors of the rainbow
My thoughts are triple X-rated
My thoughts are pure as snow
My thoughts bask in the sunshine on a beach in Spain
My thoughts tango with great passion in Buenos Aires
My thoughts never in prison
My thoughts have wings and fly far away places
My thoughts always cherishing and remembering kind,sweet faces
My thoughts getting anchored down in the many books I write
My thoughts dreaming up greatness
My thoughts perceiving things I’ve yet to comprehend with my finite mind
My thoughts hear music that’s yet to be played over the radio air waves
My thoughts at best exasperating for I am still living in this 3 dimensional plane

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

 

 

HALF ALIVE AND HALF DEAD

They  say you can’t miss what you’ve never had

Well I’m here to tell you that’s a big, fat, fucking lie

Today is my mother’s birthday

And I have missed her for my whole life

I don’t care ’bout your opinion

I don’t care  ’bout your thoughts

This is my heart, not yours and if I tell you I’ve missed my mother since the day she died-

Fuck you for making light of it

October 19th always comes and I feel a dreadful heaviness

I want to cry but the tears don’t come

I want to scream and I do silently from deep inside my soul, where no one on earth hears me

My silent screams ricochet into a fantastic echo, resonating into heaven’s outskirts

As I get older this doesn’t get better

They say time heals all wounds….well, what about this one?

Why hasn’t time taken away this sting?

Good God! Why oh why, must I feel like this?

I won’t fight how I feel or it will persist

I sit here embracing this void

I sit here embracing this old, cold pain in my heart

I sit here with a tight knot in my stomach

I sit here holding my breath…for what?

I have no idea

Souls that connect will miss each other even if the connection was brief

Oh how I miss you, Mama

I have traveled this galaxy in search of you

My tears are strewn about The Milky Way

I look up at the heavens always trying to somehow make my way back to you

I ask The Big Dipper to dip into the vast expanse of the deepest heavens…to transport you back to me

I talk to The North Star and I ask Him to never let you forget me… to never let you forget us

I talk to the moon and I ask her to light your path and to somehow keep a vigil for me

How ironic- that you keep a vigil for me and not I for you

But you see, life here in the now is tough as of late

And sometimes I go to sleep at night only to wake up feeling half alive and half dead

And I know where you currently reside has to be a place teeming with life

Because there’s got to be a place that is way better than here

There’s gotta be a time that is better than this hour

So say a prayer for those of us here, Mama dear

Say a prayer for those you left behind,Mama dear

Keep your light on for me because I so desperately wanna make it back to you

Go to that fountain

There, in the midst of that garden

Right at the foot of that sacred mountain

Look at your reflection in that ever clear, crystal pool

And I hope you see me there, waiting to catch a glimpse of you

I hope I see you there,waiting from this side of life, for you to reflect love back to me….

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

 

WINTER OF WANT

Winter of want
Several seasons of this …
I am weary
I wake up daily
Put my nice smile back on
Yeah, gotta make sure everyone knows I’m ok
But inside
I am not
I am not ok with the needs
I am not ok with this winter of want
I am not ok with standing
I am a person of action
Lately my actions don’t seem to amount to much
I am not ok with laying down and taking it
FUCK!!!!!!
When does this winter of want end??
I close my eyes and I see myself running in fields of plenty
I see seeds I sowed long ago
Finally bringing forth their fruit
This is my only hope
In this long, weary winter of want

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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Dying to Live, Loving to Die

What goes
Is what you let go
What stays is what you welcome
What flourishes
Is what you nurture
What dies
Is what you starve
What Fails
Is what you discouraged
What blooms
Is what you pruned
What is, is what you allowed
What is not, is what you dismissed
What you run away from
Is what will catch up with you
What you abandoned
Is what haunts you
What you refused to acknowledge
Is what will scream at you
In your loneliest of nights
The lie you told
Will tell on you
The truth you with held
Will annihilate you
The love you denied
Will embitter you
The hate you embraced
Will cripple you
You think you only die once?
Fools die stung by their own bitter gall
You think you only die once?
We’ve all been dying since the day we were born.

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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YOU HEARD MY SOUL

You heard my soul
My breath
My heart beat
My energy

I heard your soul
You baby sweet breath
Your tiny heart beat
Your new energy

The universe conspired
To line up our stars
To make sure all the glitter fell in all the right places
To make sure the constellations would align

You are here not here by happenstance
For I don’t believe in luck
Nor do I believe in chance or mere coincidence

You are here by some grand design
Bigger than both of us
I used to not believe in magic
But now I do
Magic is another word, a feeble attempt
To describe the mysteries of the universe
UNIVERSE:
One Poem
One Lyric
One Sonnet
One Line
One Ode

The universe let love in with:
One poem
One Lyric
One Sonnet
One Line
One Ode

Without love none of US would be here.

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

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When in pain, I dig in the soil of my heart and I begin to sift through its debris. I begin to find shiny things , those I keep. I run across dull, opaque objects that I have to turn this way and that in order to grasp their full value. Sometimes those bits are just crap and I cast them aside. I don’t like to journal about the obvious things that are happening at the moment in my life. Why write about what I am currently living? It’s like watching the same movie for the 100th time and knowing how it’s going to end at minute two of the opening scene. I write when I am in pain because that is where I connect the most with myself.