Loony Limericks

Submitted By: Noam Kuzar 
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he’s a college professor.

Submitted By: Noam Kuzar 
There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who liver on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin’
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she’d never benzene

Submitted By: Noam Kuzar 
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.

Submitted By: Bob 
There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

Submitted By: Gabrielle H 
There was an old man of Philly,
Who was hooked on the movie Free Willy.
He quit his job at the jail,
for a dolphin and whale,
And so was the life of Wee Willy.

Submitted By: LORNA 
A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed

Submitted By: LORNA 
There once was a old man from Norway –
who cussed as he sat in a doorway-
the door smacked him flat-
and he yelled “what was that”?
that disgruntled old man from Norway!

Submitted By: Roger Morris 
There was a fat turkey named Sam,
Who gobbled whenever he ran.
He came out of the bush,
Presenting his tush,
And was shot up the arse by a man.

Submitted By: Pat Bents 
There once was a kid named Darren
Who’s room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing

Submitted By: Roger Morris 
There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.

Submitted By: Pat Bents 
There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.

Submitted By: Pat Bents 
There once was a consumer named Phil
Who really wanted to kill
A sly young vendor
Who mad him a big spender
And gave him a very large bill.

Submitted By: Deirdre Kinney 
There once was a poet named Dan,
Who’s poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, “Yes, I know”
“It’s because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can” !!

Submitted By: Papa Johnny 
There was an announcer named Herschel
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing
Whatever he was doing
At ten he’d insert his commercial.

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