Category: Life:101

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 158

 

 

 

I found this great article today dealing with how to raise happy kids..it can be done folks! I have 4 that can attest to it 🙂 I wish you a happy Wednesday!!

Did you ever notice how so many children today seem unhappy?
No matter how much they have, no matter how hard you try to give them more, they never seem content. They should be the happiest kids who ever lived. They have traveled to islands, gone jeeping through the deserts of Israel, swam with dolphins, but there is a sense of discontent.

There are children who have iPhones, iPads, wiis, Gameboys, American girl dolls, and basements filled with toys. Summer time brings talk of sleep away camp, shopping with long lists in hand or planning trips to faraway places. Even with the difficult economic situation, the reality is that we would rather do without ourselves than have our children feel as if they are lacking.

Last week a father called me. He said that each summer he rents a home for his family in beautiful surroundings. It is a neighborhood where some people buy lavish homes, others rent. Even though he has always enjoyed their summer place, his 13-year-old daughter made it clear that she was unhappy.

At 2 a.m. she decided to have a meltdown.

“I am ashamed of the house we stay in every summer,” she cried. “All my friends have much better houses, why can’t we? If we take this same house as always I don’t want any of my friends coming over. Don’t even think about inviting them!”

She stomped to her room and slammed the door, leaving her father hurt and perplexed.

“I try so hard,” he said to me. “What is she thinking? Doesn’t she see how much I sweat to make a buck?”

How do we combat the unhappiness?

Of course there are many reasons our children act miserably. You can say it is awful chutzpah, too much stuff, absence of parental involvement, or deficient discipline. Others will say there is not enough one on one time, children who do not feel really accepted, a lack of self-esteem or just plain arrogance.

We mistakenly believe that the more we give, the happier they’ll be. Wrong.

But at the root of the misery lies a basic glaring lack of gratitude. When children are not cognizant of their blessings, they do not begin to recognize how much they have. They overlook the good, both the big and the small, and they grow more entitled with each day.

We mistakenly believe that the more we give, the happier they will be.

Wrong. Instead, it is the more they appreciate, the happier they will grow.

I explained to this father that it is time he sat down with his daughter and introduce her to the concept of ‘Dayenu’. On Passover we recount all of God’s many kindnesses. After each kindness we pause and say: “Dayenu – it would have been enough for us!” We are encouraged to recognize each gracious act of giving and realize that every deed deserves thoughtful appreciation. We don’t take anything for granted. We stop and contemplate the blessing of enough.

Related Article: The Good Parent

I received an incredibly long list that had been drawn up for this 13 year old. Here’s part of the list:

  • We have a beautiful home.
  • We rent a lovely summer house in a gorgeous neighborhood.
  • We have traveled to Israel.
  • We have traveled to Paris.
  • We have traveled to Italy.
  • We have gone skiing in Utah.
  • We eat in delicious restaurants.
  • We have gone to Miami every Chanukah vacation since you were a baby.
  • We have celebrated your bat mitzvah with an amazing party.
  • We have sent you to sleep away camp since fourth grade.
  • We have a loving family.
  • We have grandparents who cherish us.
  • We have good health.

After each line, the father wrote Dayenu. And then he explained to this child who had been blessed with more than she had ever understood (and more than most could ever imagine) that it was time to appreciate the blessings of that which we have, instead of focusing on that which we think that we are missing in life.

There is one more missing link here – the presence of parents who live with the motto of Dayenu in their own lives. When children hear their mother or father constantly commenting on other people’s homes, enviously recounting the way others vacation, or having conversations about the expensive clothing and furniture that their friends seem to have, we are implanting the ugly roots of discontent and unhappiness in our children’s hearts.

How can we teach the blessing of enough when are days are spent wanting more and more?

Unfortunately, these parents spent many hours bickering. But it is not only financially that we come up short in our minds. Somehow, in every conflict, this husband and wife each felt unappreciated. Both expressed frustration that their spouse was not doing their share.

If I am always concentrating on what my spouse does not do instead of recognizing the good that he does, I end up destroying any potential for joy that I may have. My life becomes filled with negatives and I grow bitter and unhappy.

Let us take the lesson of Dayenu to heart. It is time for us all to contemplate the blessing of enough.

http://www.aish.com/f/p/The_Blessing_of_Enough.html

365 Snap Shots of Life:Day 148

Do you believe in this old saying: You reap what you sow? Do you still believe in the kindness of strangers? In this world we live in with all the negativity the media broadcasts it’s easy to forget those simple truths.

Yesterday I was at the library. When we came out our car was dead. So we tried to figure out what the problem was,looked under the hood trying to trouble shoot. Then a man in his 60’s walked by us with his grandchild, a cute little kid who wore glasses just like grandpa’s . He offered to help us jump-start the battery and then we ran into the second problem; the jump-start cables were too short. Thankfully I had paid attention to the person who had parked on the other side of us just a few minutes before. I ran back into the library and found her checking out. I asked her if she could help us and she hurried to finish checking out and a few minutes later she allowed us to use her car to jump-start our battery.

There are a lot of good people out there who will help. If you do your part to help someone out, it DOES come back to you when you need it. In the movie BRUCE ALMIGHTY,God tells  Bruce,” Be the miracle people need.” Sometimes those miracles can be something as practical as jump starting someone’s car 🙂 

HAPPY SUNDAY!!! Be someone’s miracle today 🙂

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 146

No I did not fall off the planet 🙂 My two girls are going to their  home school prom tonight and so for the past few days we have been busy preparing; buying dresses, shoes accessories and whatever else goes into making their night fabulous. So I had to put blogging aside for a few days.

This morning my 17-year-old home school grad made me laugh so hard, it helped me let go of all the tension I’d been feeling lately. So to start off your week-end I’ll share the laughs and tell you it’s all going to work out fine. No matter what you’re going through if you can have a good laugh,it lightens your load. I love my readers!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honor Roll Doesn’t Mean Children Are Learning

I’m posting this column from one of my favorite conservative columnists on the internet. I enjoy reading Mychal Massie’s Daily Rant because he speaks the truth without making any apologies for what he says. Read on!

I have long held that American children are academically dumb and getting dumber, and I’ve held that the reasons for same are the intrusion of the federal government into our education system, illiterate teachers full of elaborate teaching methods that do not work, and parents.

Parents do not like to hear that their children aren’t getting a marketable education. It is easier to live in denial than face the reality that their children are being poorly educated, despite a stint or two on the honor roll. I hate to be the skunk at the picnic, but more times than not, it does not mean your child has learned anything substantive. Plus, I am unapologetic in my condemnation of parents who do not provide consistent learning environments for their children. Children are the future of our nation.

So-called educators have gone to great lengths to dumb down the children of America, and most parents don’t give a rat’s tail about it as long as they can say their child made the honor roll. But my position is that making the honor roll in most public schools means less than nothing. It, at best, means little if the parents aren’t providing a consistent learning environment outside of the classroom.

With the above-referenced always in my mind, this morning the first news that caught my attention was an article written by Kala Rama “Passing Score Lowered For FCAT Writing Exam” in Florida. (http://www.clickorlando.com/news/Passing-score-lowered-for-FCAT-Writing-exam/-/1637132/13396234/-/k1ckc2z/-/index.html) Rama reported: “The Board of Education decided in an emergency meeting Tuesday to lower the passing grade on the writing portion of Florida’s standardized test after preliminary results showed a drastic drop in student passing scores.”

FCAT is the acronym for Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test exam. Rather than being resolved to the expectation that children are in school to learn and those charged with ensuring that happens are teachers–Florida, like many other school systems, found it easier to lower the requisites for passing.

I would hope that it is glaringly obvious that lowering the score needed to pass an exam does not increase the students‘ learning capacity. Parents need to understand that. A poorly educated child who has been the beneficiary of lowered expectations and lowered grades necessary for passing may graduate from high school on the honor roll–but then what? What will the child do with their “I graduated on the honor roll, and I’m going to college, graduate and get a good job.”

The truth, however, is must less optimistic. They may graduate from college, but it won’t be with the requisite marketable employment skills to even give them a chance of landing a high-paying good job. They will, however, leave college in debt from student loans, and with an education that hasn’t prepared them for the future.

It is a variant form of socialism that believes lowering scores required for passing gives everyone a better opportunity to succeed. What it does, in reality, is ensure that there will be another generation of unemployed and underemployed.

In 2003, I wrote “No Foundations, No Future” in which I addressed this very problem. I wrote:

“In Florida, minority students are accepted into college, but are unable to pass the multiple choiceFCAT test that requires only a 40 percent score and can be taken five times to pass.”

In Pennsylvania, between one-third and one-half of prospective math and science teachers failed their certification tests. About one-third of applicants flunked special-education certification. Nearly 50 percent of prospective Spanish teachers failed their tests. More than one-third of the applicants failed both the pre-professional skills test in writing and social studies. On the “content knowledge” portion of the math test, 43 percent of the teachers failed. (Jane Elizabeth /John M.R. Bull, Post-Gazette – “Up to half of teacher candidates failing tests,” Jan. 17, 2002)

In Illinois, 5,243 teachers failed key exams. The New York Times asked the question: “What to do about [New York] teachers who chronically fail their certification exams? Some in New York have failed 10 times – 3,000 have never passed.”

Parents may not like what I am saying, but the truth is my defense. It doesn’t take money to ensure children are educated; it takes commitment from the parents and teachers. My family set the bar high when it came toeducation, and the expectations that my cousins and I would achieve and exceed them were as much an absolute as sunshine. My teachers didn’t care about our color–they cared that we learned. Our parents didn’t demand teachers of color, and diversity was the number of different books we read, not a color-coded faculty.

I’ve had conversations with editors who tell me how ill-equipped and unprepared many of the young people they interview are. I personally observe the lack of professional skills in young people today. Sadly, many parents today are more concerned about themselves than they are their children. And they are willing to turn to those who will validate (for a price) whatever excuse they feel will absolve them of guilt and/or responsibility.

Parents need to open their eyes and see what they are allowing to happen to their children. Many children today have no interest in learning, their interests lie in X-Box, the latest electronic gadget, worthless television programming, and the latest song. Unfortunately, that doesn’t ensure capable contributors to our free-market; it ensures that, at some point, we will see the further erosion of skilled employees.

I concluded the 2003 piece referenced above saying: “The foundations of America are being destroyed: A watered down, diluted god of convenience; moral decay within the family; poorly educated teachers andstudents; and a government that governs for the posterity of itself is – agree or not – the death knell of our nation.”

http://mychal-massie.com/premium/honor-roll-doesnt-mean-children-are-learning/comment-page-1/#comment-30078

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 137

WHAT?? Can you believe it’s Hump Day again? Here are a few funnies to hasten the coming of that anticipated day we all love…FRIDAY! Laugh, chuckle, guffaw ( I hate that word but I have to use it now and again) what ever you do, let it be loud! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 132

I lost my mother when I was 2 months old and I have missed her for 42 years. There are times when I just wish she was around/ For instance when I’m having a bad menstrual cycle I say,” These are the times when a grown woman needs her mother.” Seriously though, I still ache for her and I’m posting this poem I wrote to honor her on Mother’s Day. This is an excerpt from my new book, Salsa! The Taste of Life, which is in the publishing process now. ” Feliz dia de las madres !” to all of my Spanish-speaking readers and “Happy Mother’s Day!! ” To all the moms who read me!

 

You Are With Me

I thought for sure
I’d never get to know you,
all my fears concerning you-
have long since vanished.
As I change my point of view.

 

I see you in the eyes of my Elena.
I hear you in Esther’s girlish giggles.
I sense you in Joseph’s thoughtfulness.
Your love reaches out to touch me,
through Raquel’s gentleness.

 

That I never had you,
is losing its importance.
For you’ve been here beside me all along.

 

When Esther hugs me,
I feel your tenderness.
Through Joseph’s eyes,
you reveal yourself to me.

 

In my girl’s beauty and poise,
I learn of your loving kindness.
When they twirl effortlessly,
I sense your free-spirited ways.

 

Raquel, well you know, she bears your name;
She helped me feel you once more
When you came to help me have her
You gave birth to me again.

Eva Santiago © 2012

 

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 131

We are having a funky day  in the desert today. A sand storm is blowing our way from Arizona and it makes for ugly skies and super dry skin. I miss the sound of rain 🙂

It’s gritty, it’s dry and it sucks.
It gets in your eyes,
and in your hair it flies.
Don’t open your mouth,
here comes all that damn sand from the south.

Eva Santiago © 2012

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 130

What would I do without Pinterest? 🙂 Happy Hump day everyone!

 

 

 

 

I believe in family meals so much. What better way to reconnect with everyone at the end of the day with a nice home-made meal. I say turn the TV and gadgets off for the sacred, intimate moments shared at the dinner table. That’s what we do around my home.

I also believe strongly in teaching kids responsibility and the value of work early on in their lives. They’ll thank you for it one day.

 

 

365 Snap Shots of Life: Day 120

Today was fun! I went with my two oldest daughters prom dress shopping.  I have taught  my kids that the mall isn’t the best place to shop. Everything is high-priced and not even worth the amount on the price tag. Besides there is a cool thrift store where we live called Savers and you can find some very nice gently worn second-hand clothes there at great prices. Just a few weeks ago I found  a beautiful pair of Gucci high heels  at a crazy price! So were were in Savers and my girls were having a blast trying on dresses. Some were great, others left a lot to be desired. We didn’t find the “it” dress yet but we still have time. Did you enjoy your Sunday? I sure did mine!