Category: Family Life

Label Pickle Jars NOT People!

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Braille wine label on a bottle of Lazarus wine... Image via Wikipedia

I hate labels. There, that says it all.  I have but only one name I answer to and that is the name my daddy gave me at birth. To show how much I despise labels when I first met my husband he and I were arguing while on our way home. We were at a red light and he crossed the line by calling me a female dog; I went berserk for a minute and I just raised my foot and put it right through the windshield of his car. He never labeled me like that again!

From the time I lost my parents I was labeled an orphan, and might I add that happened to me at a very young age. Then later on the other labels came and it made me boil inside because all I wanted to do was be myself; and that’s hard to achieve when you are being constantly categorized, stereo typed and labeled. The only things that have to have labels are food products, medicines and anything else that is not a breathing, walking living soul with a heart.

I once went to a counselor to try to figure out somethings in my past. After I told her what I’d been through she never labeled me; she did me a huge favor and reminded me I was anything but a victim because I had over come so much with God‘s help. THAT was great news to hear and it set me free. This same counselor though, did my husband a disservice. After several sessions with him she labeled him co-dependant. Why was that a disservice to him? Because he began to cling to that label and it made him remain the same.  I have observed for several years now how labeling someone serves to cripple them and they stay bound by the words spoken over them.

Life and death are in the tongue. Our words can break  the shackles that bind us or they can serve to further imprison us. Label a child stupid and he will believe that he is stupid all of his life. Tell a child that she is brilliant and she will aspire to much. People are not jars of pickles so top labeling them!

2 years ago we met with a family counselor because we all had issues. After our first session Bruce, the counselor told my husband and I that our children are a cut above the rest of any kids he had ever met. Last night we hear something entirely different. We spoke with a well meaning person who after a couple of hours of listening to our family air out some very strong feelings in a counseling setting, said that my kids are victims. WTH? Things didn’t change so much in our home from the last time we saw a family counselor to now.  Be careful what you let some well meaning counselor speak over yourself or your children.

After this encounter, my kids came up to me right away and told me, ” Mom, how can that man call us victims when our last family counselor told us we are a cut above the rest? Mom, sure we’ve been hurt by stuff but that’s life! And, mom, victims are people who get hurt but they never get up, they stay there, wounded.”  My 15 year old daughter put it so eloquently, ” I just reign from my place of pain.” My kids let me know they didn’t appreciate what was spoken over them, they didn’t receive one bit of it. So my husband and I prayed over them and broke the power of those words.

God, I pray that you help all of us stop labeling one another. Give us eyes to see people they way you see us. You are such an awesome God because you never label us, you just call us your children. Help us do likewise.


REACH

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The Newsboys perform Saturday, June 30 at Crea...
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My youngest daughter recently performed a Lyrical Dance to Peter Furler’s song “REACH” at a church. Sometimes God will use a child to reach out to you and I believe this video will bless you and encourage you to keep reaching out to a God who really cares about you and loves you; no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done. Reach, keep on reaching and NEVER give up hope.

Book Covers

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You can never tell what a person is going through or what they’ve been through in their past just by casual observation. This Sunday I heard a lady talking about how her 16 year old daughter Autumn  was almost killed when a horse stepped on her when she was a toddler. Before I heard her story I had not paid much attention to this woman. Now that I know the painful trial she and her family endured, I want to know more about this person. I made my way to her and we exchanged pleasantries. Then I told her how I almost lost one of my kids when she was 7 weeks old. She looked at me with the same amazement I had when I first heard her story. This broke the ice and now I’m compelled to know this woman more.

Last month I heard another shocking story. I was sitting close to a man who looks just like the actor Morgan Freeman; I had to take a closer look to see if it really was. By the way, I am a huge fan of said actor. I kept running into this same man and I would imagine that he must have a grand life because the peace that surrounds him, gave me the impression that perhaps he wakes up everyday and sings,” Zippididoodah  Zippideeay, my oh my oh what a wonderful day!” Then I heard the most amazing story about this man.

He was handed a mic and he began to share his personal tragedy. He said his name was Willie; he had lost 3 children in a house fire and soon after he lost 2 more children in a second house fire. My lower jaw fell wide open and I felt it touch the floor below. I leaned forward as my heart began to weep for this man’s great loss. He also shared his faith and said that it was God that had brough him through the whole crisis. Before I left that day I made sure I went to him and I gave Willie a big hug; then something amazing happened, we found comfort in our hug because unbeknownst to Willie , I shared in his pain since I too have experienced the heart ache that comes from losing your whole family.

We are all books. We all wear different covers; some are dazzling and colorful. When I chose my own book cover for my book AS CLEAR AS CLAIRE GETS, I wanted it to be eye catching and inviting. My story is not an easy read and knowing that, I had to design  a colorful, fun, cover that would draw people in; once they’re in they’re  hooked. Other  book covers  are mild and peaceful betraying the tragedy that lies between the pages of the book.

Whatever you’ve been through, the cover doesn’t matter one bit. We all start out with a blank book and it’s up to us to fill in the pages. My book starts out with one tragedy after the next, but I’m going to make sure at the end of my life, on the last page, you’re going to read that I became an over comer and a conqueror through my faith in God. Some people’s books start and end in tragedy; don’t let that be you.  Choose instead to use your pain to help others. Then there are other books that start out in victory only to end terribly; what could have possibly happened?

Next time you meet someone new, pretend you’re in a library or a book store even, and be prepared to handle them with as much care and attention that you would give that book you’re considering as your your next great read. It is true: One cannot read a book by its cover; neither can one pass judgment on anyone just by merely glancing at their book cover.

I looked into your eyes,
I felt your pain.
I looked into my heart,
my pain is yours- we’re both the same.

Matthew 7:1-2

“Don’t judge so that you won’t be judged. For the way you judge others is how you will be judged-the measure with which you measure out will be used to measure to you.”

Childhood Abuse Can Affect You Into Adulthood…If You Let it

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I came out of abuse and I can tell you that God used those horrific experiences to teach me some valuable lessons. Yes, I say God because He is the only One that can set the captive free,if you allow Him to do a deep work in your life. The first lesson that I learned from my past abusers is that I didn’t want to do to another human being the vile,profane deeds that were done to me.

At age five I fell prey to the hands of a child molester who lived in the same house I was living in. I could have remained the victim of his mishandling me for all of my life. It wasn’t until I received God’s forgiveness for my own sins, that I began to pray asking God to help me forgive this depraved man. Honestly,every fiber of my being was crying out for revenge. Even though I was here and he was still in Colombia and I was in my early twenty’s, my soul could find no rest. A friend of mine helped me out one day when she told me that if I didn’t forgive him,then God wouldn’t forgive me my sins.
I was furious with God. “Lord!” I would cry out,”Didn’t you see what he did to me? How he robbed me of my innocence? Don’t you care that he violated me and stole what wasn’t his to begin with?” Then one day, God gave me this amazing answer to my years of pain and torment: ” I was there taking all the abuse for you. You were never alone. What he and all the others did to you,they also did to Me.” I was stunned and without words. I let those healing words penetrate my ice cold heart. The more I let the truth of God in my life,it began to melt the hard sheet of ice that had covered my inmost being.
 
If I had hung on to my anger and hurt there is no doubt in my mind that I would have become like my abusers. Refusing to forgive is a trap. Not forgiving those who offend us,puts us in the same prison cell that they are in. Not only that,you are shackled to that person in your spirit. Once you choose to forgive,off come the shackles and you become free of them. I was worried for a long time that if I forgave them,that I was supposed to be involved with that person again. That’s when I learned that you forgive primarily for you. I have forgiven my abusers and I can now pray for them.
I married a man who was also abused as a child and I see how his unforgiveness of his abusers tends to rear its ugly head . At times it wants to wreak havoc in our married life. Recently I told my spouse that his abusers were still a power in his life because he was letting them still control him every time he dwelled on the pain. He had never had anyone tell him that. I love this man too much to see him remain a prisoner trapped in a cage he was put in so long ago. God put us together so we could help each other out. The only way you can help someone out of abuse,is if you’ve walked in the same shoes. Also,the other person has to be willing to not live like a victim but instead allow God to love you past the trauma.With God all things are possible. If you are reading this article, I pray for you that God will give you the strength to face your abuse. Forgive your abuser(s),forgive God and forgive yourself. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed and He desires that you be free,healed and restored!
 

When Your Sister Turns Her Back on You

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I am the youngest of eight children. My oldest sister is six years older than I. Our mother became ill after having me. So naturally my eldest sister stepped in and took care of me as best as she could when I was but an infant. My mother passed away on what happened to be my sister’s birthday, my father’s passing came not too long after.

Looking back on my childhood, I see my sister in and out of my life at different intervals.I remember being separated from her for I don’t know how long. The day she came back,I was elated . I hung on to her when I finally saw her and I asked her.”Will you stay for a hundred days?” Back then at that age, that increment of time seemed like an eternity in my young mind.I looked up to her like a form of God at that moment . My sister… my hero.

Then there was the day that she had to leave me to come live in the United States. I was devastated. To this day I remember that we ate watermelon sprinkled with salt for breakfast. Then she was gone. I wasn’t taken to the airport to see her off. All I knew was she was gone for good.We wouldn’t be bathing our dolls anymore or letting them sit in the sun to dry off while we washed their clothes.

A few years later,my turn came to come live in the United States. I was being torn away from my other sister and brother. My last night with them,we all huddled closely in the same bed Each of us trying to comfort one another. I recall going to sleep while my other sister rocked me …I couldn’t stop crying and neither could she.

Boy was I ever surprised when I stepped off the plane on May 7, 1976 at Miami International Airport to be greeted by my eldest,”long lost sister”. It was the salve that my aching soul needed to feel welcome into a new country, family and life!
My first Christmas in the United States came and went with much fanfare. A lot of relatives came to visit. The music was rocking the house. Latin sounds permeated the atmosphere. Plenty of food and spirits to celebrate the season. In all the festivities,no one noticed that the two orphaned sisters were quietly tucked away in grandma’s bedroom. The older held the younger as they both rocked back and forth. Crying, trying to find comfort in each other’s arms.

Then there was the last Christmas that I saw my sister as a child. She came with my aunt and grandma just for the week-end. The hours flew by so quickly. When it was all said and done,she was on the Greyhound bus on a cold,damp, dreary morning. I went straight to my bed and I hugged my pillow so hard,wishing it was her instead. To this day, I still feel that ache;it reminds me of that nagging tooth ache that tells you to go see a dentist pronto or else you’ll be in for far worse.

So now where are we? More distant than ever. Life has dealt both of us blows. She is a success in her world. What she thinks of me? I have no idea! I used to resent her for still trying to mother me when I needed a sister. But time has whittled down those feelings too and left in place understanding. If she was with me right now what would I tell her? Thank you! I’m glad that you are my sister. I regret having hurt you but I was being merely human. To err is human to love is divine…I accept you with all your shortcomings and strengths will you do the same for me? I love you Mireya!
 
Eva Santiago Copyright 2011
 

Music: A Friend for Life Part2

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Now onto The Classic; the music that your parents and maybe even  their parents may have listened to. Some of those songs could represent your classmates that you knew way back during your formative years. Kids with whom you grew up and perhaps you stayed in touch or maybe you moved on and lost track of them. Once you reconnect with childhood friends you still see semblances of the kid you used to know in the adult they’ve become.
 
A classic song is a master piece-in some cases a model of perfection, a genuine gem. Friends that are like classic songs are like jewels given you to adorn your heart, be it through  their touching your soul with kind deeds or loving words of wisdom and encouragement to help you along in your journey. These types of songs and people though seemingly rare, always shine a bright light in your heart to help you discover the treasure you have inside. Because they are genuine, they never need to prove anything to anyone regarding their grandeur. You just know when you are in the presence of a true classic.
 
Another aspect of a classic is that they don’t have to hang around you everyday; classic friends are constant whether they are right there in your own home or a million miles away…perhaps as far away as heaven. A classic song is something you don’t normally listen to everyday either. Classic songs take you back to simpler times of your life when things ran at a slower pace; and the time piece on your mother’s mantle seemed to never move at all. A time when sunsets lasted more than a few minutes- dawn brightened your horizon much more further than what your eyes could perceive.
 
These are the songs  that stay with you all your life because at times, they were the only friend you had.
 

 Eva Santiago Copyright  2011

 

Music: A Friend for Life

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Sitting down to listen to an old song is like making time to visit with a dear, close friend. New songs are like new friends; you  have to really tune in and listen closely to what they’re trying to say. When you’re working on becoming friends, you are taken in by their outward appearance at first. The same can be said of a new song you just heard on the radio-you only hear the melody and not so much the depth of the lyrics.
 
With some songs it takes a while to decipher their hidden messages; it takes a while to  draw out the hidden intent of a person’s heart and that only happens when you spend time with your new found friend.
 
Songs like friends can touch your soul deeply. Others leave you giddy, as if on cloud 9; these songs and types of people slip in and out of your life and  you can’t lean on them when times grow rough.
 
Then there are the love ballads that never fail to strike a chord; reminding you of a promise of love someone broke when you were younger. Others speak of melancholic tales of all consuming fires that took all you had including your innocence. Love ballads are like your closest most intimate of friends because they never lie; there to remind you of the person you used to be and how you arrived at your current state.
 
Tune in to Part  2 of this my personal reflection on music.
 
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SUMMER!

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Today my daughter came up to me and said the dreadful words,” I’m bored.” School is out for the summer and the season looms ahead of us. She explained that she had done everything to avert the “boredom monster” as I used to perceive it. “Mama, I have danced, I read, I did some art and now, I’m bored.” So I took a closer look at her statement and then I came up with an idea…me had a thought…or a chain of them any way.

I remember being a kid out of school for the summer and it never occurred to me to utter the “I’m bored” mantra of every school age kid. No way, I had to keep my mouth shut because if I ever dared make such a declaration, my aunt would have found me more work to do. As it is I had to help her shine her collection of sterling silver which she kept in a china cabinet that went from floor to ceiling and it was full of beautiful silver artifacts. Then if that wasn’t enough to keep my little hands busy, she expected me to do some kind of needle work. So you see, I became an expert at biting my tongue and not letting those 2 little words escape my lips.

                                                                                                                

So as I came back to the present and I studied my daughter laying on the couch in the living room; I told her what I had always wanted to hear from my aunt’s mouth but it never came,” It’s ok to not always be doing something .” My girl looked at me and I saw her relax right away as I continued,” I don’t think you’re bored,I think you might feel like you always have to be doing something…just enjoy yourself..it’s still good to day dream ok?” She smiled as she settled on the couch to continue doing absolutely NOTHING!

SCHOOL’S OUT FOR THE SUMMER!                                  

I enjoy summer vacation because I believe something special happens to me as a teacher and to my kids that I teach;just as life reflects nature;summer is a season of growing in ways that won’t be apparent until the following fall when school begins anew. During this season of rest and growth;we get rejuvenated and our roots tend to go deeper. I live out in the desert and nature hibernates when the weather is scorching;likewise I believe that as we rest from all school work and pressures that accompany the lives of teachers and their students;summer is when we “marinade” in all the knowledge that was acquired in the previous school year

I have seen it personally year after year;every time school starts back up for us,my kids come in eager to start. Also ,skills that may not have come easy to some of them,somehow after summer vacation,they grasp them . Being that I run a small school I have the privilege of seeing up close changes that perhaps might be missed if my kids swam in a bigger pond..

So go ahead,kick off your shoes,buy a new bathing suit,grill out,plan a vacation some where far away or maybe stay close by;but whatever you choose to do, whether it’s a lot, a little or maybe nothing at all..ENJOY yourself and live!  See you next Fall young people :)!!!

                                                                        

                                                     Eva Santiago copyright 2010

 

Life is Messy: Live and Love to the Fullest

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Dear Reader, I wrote this post back in 2009 when I had another blog. I wanted to share it since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…Remember how special you truly are!!VD

Life is messy. Nature reflects the messiness of life. We spend our whole time here making sense of the chaos; ordering our lives so as to try to put a handle on the mess. Life never works out as neat and tidy Algebraic equation In math, it all works out without fail. Follow a prescribed method and WAPA! Problem solved , move on!

Well, life hardly mirrors mathematics. It does have prescribed patterns and formulas. For instance, there are physical laws such as gravity as well as spiritual laws of reaping and sowing. These and a multitude of others are set in place so we may have order in the midst of chaos.

We are taught as children to follow and obey  all that is set before us then, PRESTO!  We will be successful and have a great life. The more we live though, we all come to the same conclusion; life is messy. The Golden Rule says to treat others  as you would like to be treated. The problem is it works sometimes and at other times people can be down right cruel. Then there is the pursue love at all costs and yet again, when we do, we are left feeling stranded at times…life is messy. So, you love someone and you keep loving that person no matter what and they never love you back; another unsolved equation.

Love is never a science; knowledge of facts or principles gained by systematic study. The laws of science dictate cause and effect. For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction, that’s how science works. Love is messy because there are no guarantees; if I love, that does not guarantee that my actively loving someone will cause that person to love me back equally and with the same measure of love. The human heart is an ocean with its shallow areas where we can swim and feel all is well within; don’t worry there are no “be ware of sharks” signs  posted. Swim safely. Then there are those areas where the light has never reached; similar to those parts of the ocean where no man ,no camera has ever seen. There IS life in those depths awaiting our discovery. We fear the unfamiliar, so we stay in the shallow parts for our safety. Deep calls to deep and when we hear that call to venture out more, where it’s messy and chaotic, where things simply don’t add up, then we back paddle back to our safe zone. It takes trust to venture out to the unknown recesses  in our hearts; to let love into areas that remain in the dark. Love is light; a closed up heart is a heart in  darkness. Fear keeps  us locked up thereby giving us a false security. The wise man said that out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks; we unlock or lock people up with our words; life giving words unlock others and poisonous words that curse keep others locked up as in a cell…solitary confinement. Love requires relationships. Some say, ” I love you but I have a hard time showing you. ” Well, love is easy to spot…it’s messy and all over the place. Picture a little child who was trying to make you breakfast and went on to make a great mess in attempting so. A little dab won’t do you; you have to reach out and take all you can. The more you take then you have more than enough to give to others. So if you take only a little, you’ll only have enough for you and that’s why you say, ” I love you but I can’t show you because I haven’t enough for the two of us.

Love should be celebrated everyday because everyday is a brand new opportunity for love to come into those dark areas in our hearts. People tolerate love because its nature is unpredictable, nerve wracking and annoying, especially when it show up unexpectedly. If we relegate it to a few holidays such as Christmas Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and all the minor holidays that fall in between, then love is confined and it loses intensity. Love’ REAL LOVE baffles the mind and astounds the senses and it should. God is Love; Love is God. God so loves us, with a messy kind of all over the place love;the kind that was powerful enough to gift us His only Son. He puts His heart on the line for us and the best we can do is love one another and in doing so we are loving Him.

Eva Santiago copyright 2009,2014
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