Have you ever been in a place in your life where you’re not exactly sure where you’re supposed to be? During my teen years I was a high school student. Then in my twenties it was college and after I graduated came marriage and becoming a parent. My roles were clearly defined, that same pattern continued into my 30’s. Now that I’m in my 40’s the roles are beginning to change on me.
My kids are growing up and I find myself having more time to pursue my own dream and goals. Having older kids doesn’t mean they don’t depend on me anymore; now they depend on me differently. When they were smaller it was easy helping them fix a broken toy, bandaging a sore knee and just being there period. Now they have problems to which I have no pat answer for . They get older and suddenly are seeing that mom and dad are pretty limited and human.
I visited a good friend of mine in San Antonio Texas 2 summers ago. He is a musician and I wanted to know how he figured out what direction to go with his career. At that point I was completely clue less regarding which path I wanted to take next. The way he put it was so simple and yet it stuck with me. Luis just said to me, ” I keep an open mind, I hear about events for net working and I just show up.” That was it, I adopted that way of thinking and do you know what it’s done for me? I have become more open minded and willing to try out new paths which before, I would have never even considered.
In order to do that though, you have to be willing to let go and not try to control things so much. Sometimes you have to be willing to lose yourself in order to be found.
I hate labels. There, that says it all. I have but only one name I answer to and that is the name my daddy gave me at birth. To show how much I despise labels when I first met my husband he and I were arguing while on our way home. We were at a red light and he crossed the line by calling me a female dog; I went berserk for a minute and I just raised my foot and put it right through the windshield of his car. He never labeled me like that again!
From the time I lost my parents I was labeled an orphan, and might I add that happened to me at a very young age. Then later on the other labels came and it made me boil inside because all I wanted to do was be myself; and that’s hard to achieve when you are being constantly categorized, stereo typed and labeled. The only things that have to have labels are food products, medicines and anything else that is not a breathing, walking living soul with a heart.
I once went to a counselor to try to figure out somethings in my past. After I told her what I’d been through she never labeled me; she did me a huge favor and reminded me I was anything but a victim because I had over come so much with God‘s help. THAT was great news to hear and it set me free. This same counselor though, did my husband a disservice. After several sessions with him she labeled him co-dependant. Why was that a disservice to him? Because he began to cling to that label and it made him remain the same. I have observed for several years now how labeling someone serves to cripple them and they stay bound by the words spoken over them.
Life and death are in the tongue. Our words can break the shackles that bind us or they can serve to further imprison us. Label a child stupid and he will believe that he is stupid all of his life. Tell a child that she is brilliant and she will aspire to much. People are not jars of pickles so top labeling them!
2 years ago we met with a family counselor because we all had issues. After our first session Bruce, the counselor told my husband and I that our children are a cut above the rest of any kids he had ever met. Last night we hear something entirely different. We spoke with a well meaning person who after a couple of hours of listening to our family air out some very strong feelings in a counseling setting, said that my kids are victims. WTH? Things didn’t change so much in our home from the last time we saw a family counselor to now. Be careful what you let some well meaning counselor speak over yourself or your children.
After this encounter, my kids came up to me right away and told me, ” Mom, how can that man call us victims when our last family counselor told us we are a cut above the rest? Mom, sure we’ve been hurt by stuff but that’s life! And, mom, victims are people who get hurt but they never get up, they stay there, wounded.” My 15 year old daughter put it so eloquently, ” I just reign from my place of pain.” My kids let me know they didn’t appreciate what was spoken over them, they didn’t receive one bit of it. So my husband and I prayed over them and broke the power of those words.
God, I pray that you help all of us stop labeling one another. Give us eyes to see people they way you see us. You are such an awesome God because you never label us, you just call us your children. Help us do likewise.
people are strange
when you’re a stranger
faces look ugly
when you’re alone – “People are Strange“- Echo and the Bunnymen
People are strange, I have to agree with the lyrics I posted above. I recently attended a church picnic and there is one thing I do on purpose whenever I go to social functions of this type; I completely avoid the pastors, I go as far as not even making eye contact with them. Hold on before you go on and think it weird and maybe even a bit anti-social of me. Here’s why I behave in such a different manner. I always see people hanging around the pastors and expecting them to be Jesus 24/7. Consider this: Could it be pastors show up to enjoy the food and revelry just like everybody else? Some people just don’t understand that a pastor cannot always be in the Spirit; God‘s leaders have needs too!
A long time a go , when I was new to the things of God and to the ways of church, one evening I received a very interesting and unexpected phone call, from the pastor’s wife from the church I was regularly attending. She said she was calling to thank me. I was ransacking my brain trying to figure out what I had done for this woman since we hardly spoke to each other. Then she continued to say that she was thanking me for not bleeding the ministry. WOW! I had never heard such words. She explained that people like my husband and I were a joy for any ministry to have around because we weren’t always calling on them for help. She thanked me once more and then she hung up.Those few words blew me away because even as a new Believer, I always knew not to take advantage of those people God places in my life to bless me. That brief conversation has stayed with me all these years later.
People: Stop being so selfish and understand that God’s leaders need you to bless them back to0 now and then. They are the ones who are up at all hours pacing the floor for you and covering you in prayer. They are the ones who freely give of their time and talents to feed and nurture you. They are the ones who study God’s word so you can have a fresh message each week. Some of them sacrifice a lot just for you! Next time you go to church, instead of wondering what does the good ‘ol pastor have for ME today? Why not go there and ask God to show you what YOU can do for the man of God? You know, sometimes all these people need is a kind word of encouragement, a hug or maybe just a warm smile from you. Something that will show them that they are appreciated and cared for. When was the last time you prayed for your pastor and those in authority over you? They need just as much prayer as everybody else.
The way I see it, pastors are some what like presidents; they have been put in charge of many things and they can not do it alone. They need the support of those they lead. Without our prayers our leaders suffer many attacks that could have easily been avoided had they been prayed for.
Now, I ‘ve seen some people in leadership positions who won’t let you bless them; whether they receive it or not is not your concern. Lots of times pride will keep them from accepting a blessing. Don’t worry, do it anyway and let The Boss deal with them 🙂
And the hands of Moses became heavy. And they took a stone and put it under him. And he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one from this and one from that side. And his hands were steady until the going of the sun. Exodus 17:12
My youngest daughter recently performed a Lyrical Dance to Peter Furler’s song “REACH” at a church. Sometimes God will use a child to reach out to you and I believe this video will bless you and encourage you to keep reaching out to a God who really cares about you and loves you; no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done. Reach, keep on reaching and NEVER give up hope.
Eva Santiago 