HALF ALIVE AND HALF DEAD

They  say you can’t miss what you’ve never had

Well I’m here to tell you that’s a big, fat, fucking lie

Today is my mother’s birthday

And I have missed her for my whole life

I don’t care ’bout your opinion

I don’t care  ’bout your thoughts

This is my heart, not yours and if I tell you I’ve missed my mother since the day she died-

Fuck you for making light of it

October 19th always comes and I feel a dreadful heaviness

I want to cry but the tears don’t come

I want to scream and I do silently from deep inside my soul, where no one on earth hears me

My silent screams ricochet into a fantastic echo, resonating into heaven’s outskirts

As I get older this doesn’t get better

They say time heals all wounds….well, what about this one?

Why hasn’t time taken away this sting?

Good God! Why oh why, must I feel like this?

I won’t fight how I feel or it will persist

I sit here embracing this void

I sit here embracing this old, cold pain in my heart

I sit here with a tight knot in my stomach

I sit here holding my breath…for what?

I have no idea

Souls that connect will miss each other even if the connection was brief

Oh how I miss you, Mama

I have traveled this galaxy in search of you

My tears are strewn about The Milky Way

I look up at the heavens always trying to somehow make my way back to you

I ask The Big Dipper to dip into the vast expanse of the deepest heavens…to transport you back to me

I talk to The North Star and I ask Him to never let you forget me… to never let you forget us

I talk to the moon and I ask her to light your path and to somehow keep a vigil for me

How ironic- that you keep a vigil for me and not I for you

But you see, life here in the now is tough as of late

And sometimes I go to sleep at night only to wake up feeling half alive and half dead

And I know where you currently reside has to be a place teeming with life

Because there’s got to be a place that is way better than here

There’s gotta be a time that is better than this hour

So say a prayer for those of us here, Mama dear

Say a prayer for those you left behind,Mama dear

Keep your light on for me because I so desperately wanna make it back to you

Go to that fountain

There, in the midst of that garden

Right at the foot of that sacred mountain

Look at your reflection in that ever clear, crystal pool

And I hope you see me there, waiting to catch a glimpse of you

I hope I see you there,waiting from this side of life, for you to reflect love back to me….

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

 

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DID I?

 

 

One day I want to look up and know that all I did made a difference

I wanna know that all I touched turned to gold

I wanna know that I warmed a heart gone cold

I wanna know that I caused the blind to see

I wanna know that I caused waves in the ocean

and that the stones I skipped on a pond

caused ripples in the sea

I wanna know that those souls in my care

knew I was always there

I wanna know that I caused the deaf to hear

sweet,sweet, sweet music for the very first time

I wanna know I made some one cry happy tears

I wanna know that I made some one laugh ’til they cried

I wanna know that my existence made a difference

I wanna know that I caused a paused heart to resume play

I wanna know that you chose life because my life made a difference in yours

I wanna know that I caused you to dream big dreams because this dreamer, never dreams little dreams

I wanna know that I caused you to be ridiculously silly for a half a minute

and for that short span of time you forgot your troubles

I wanna know if my love caused you to bloom…

 

 

 

 

LET THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE TIME

Eva Santiago

i wonder where this is all gonna go
i wonder how this is all gonna go
i wonder when this is all gonna go
i wonder why this is all gonna go
i wonder what all this is about….

do we really have this one life to live?
do we really only die once?
have i breathed this air before?
when?
where?
how?
why?
iwonderwhatthisisallabout…

Are we all here just killing time?
And why are we killing time?
Killing time….sounds violent
Is time fragile enough to kill?
How do we kill time?
Do we pre-meditate it?
Like a pre-meditated murder?
Do we assasinate time-like we do famous people?

Do we hack away at time
As with an ax
Or do we bludgeon time into oblivion
And for us time killers
Will we be charged with murder?
In this human race
We’re all runners-co-conspirators
In the plot to murder time
What…

View original post 31 more words

LET THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE TIME

i wonder where this is all gonna go
i wonder how this is all gonna go
i wonder when this is all gonna go
i wonder why this is all gonna go
i wonder what all this is about….

do we really have this one life to live?
do we really only die once?
have i breathed this air before?
when?
where?
how?
why?
iwonderwhatthisisallabout…

Are we all here just killing time?
And why are we killing time?
Killing time….sounds violent
Is time fragile enough to kill?
How do we kill time?
Do we pre-meditate it?
Like a pre-meditated murder?
Do we assasinate time-like we do famous people?

Do we hack away at time
As with an ax
Or do we bludgeon time into oblivion
And for us time killers
Will we be charged with murder?
In this human race
We’re all runners-co-conspirators
In the plot to murder time
What will our punishment be?
All our lives we’re at war
The enemy is time
We go after it with a vengeance
Always chasing time behind enemy lines…..

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2014

The Kindnesses of the Cruel

Eva Santiago

The worst thing in this existence is to not have been seen by the man who claimed to have loved me

You, loved me??

Seriously,do you know what love is?

Love is beyond a feeling

Love is a force

Love gives life

Love is beyond lust

Now do you get it?

True love reciprocates

True love intermingles

True love never hates

I deserve to know

Why you claimed to have loved me

When all I could ever feel was your hate

You bought me things

In attempts to satisfy my larger than life soul

You fool!

You never knew ME!!!

The worst thing in my existence is when you claimed your love for me when you haven’t a clue as to what love is

I asked you for one thing

It wasn’t material

You knew you wouldn’t give it

So you played me

‘Til the day I woke the hell…

View original post 156 more words