MY NOT SO SILENT PROTEST

Never mistake my silence  for negligence

Never mistake my silence for passivity

Never mistake my silence for approval

Never mistake my silence as an agreement

I disagree with you in my silence

I protest your immature actions in my silence

Through my withdrawal from you, in my retreating away from you

That’s how I manifest my disdain, disgust and disapproval for your careless actions

You are nor that which you pretend to be

Though I may not vocalize my hurt, raw emotions

That stem from your callous behavior

Does not mean I don’t stay up late into the night

Or wake up to beat the dawn , praying for you

STOP IT!!

Only YOU can stop the non sense

See eye to eye with you?

I’ve tried and for the very life of me –

My life for yours…

I CAN’T!

Not that I wouldn’t

If I could actually see one tiny spark of light in your actions…

Sadly, I can’t and it’s not for my lack of trying…

You dance with demons,saying you adore them

You even call them your friends

You ingest shit for breakfast , lunch and dinner-not even skipping dessert

Yet you want me to believe you’re feasting on the finest of Lady Godiva chocolates

You’re living in the pig sty your life has become

All the while convincing yourself that you live in a castle

When you actually dwell among the castle ruins

You’re the daughter of the king who wore no clothes

Yet was self deluded thinking he was adorned in regal robes

You call a spade a diamond

A diamond a queen

A queen a king

A king a joker

And a club a spade

Insanity is not yours

Yet you claim it as your own

For it’s easier  to hide in your shadowy fantasy-land

Because to stay in the light of love takes courage

You call yourself a warrior

Yet you’re the captured one, held prisoner by all of your lies

You think you’re free to do what you will

Forgetting true freedom is what makes us real heroes

Real heroes never shy from accountability

Those who rebel without a cause become dust in the fucking wind

You want to heal the world

How can you when you are sick yourself

You despised me when on my sick bed

Yet I was the ones wise enough to reach out and let love heal me

You continue despising me because I’ve had the courage to heal and recover

You fear courage and that is why me, you still attempt to discourage

Your vanity consumes you

Your arrogance

You mistake for elegance

The diamonds you glued on your dollar store  tiara

Are cheap glass crystals falling to the ground

You want to really shine like that girl Haddasah?

The one you truly are

The one you try to slay daily

Then have the courage to be yourself, not some store bought replica

You’re terrified by what’s trivial

You trivialize what truly terrifies

You’re a real diamond, of the highest cut

Yet you choose to lose yourself in a mound of man made crystals

Your glory has faded

That day you looked in the mirror and claimed it as your own

Here’s a secret of old:

Clothe yourself in mercy

Clothe yourself in grace

Clothe yourself in dignity

And that now dimmed light,

Shall soon return to your face.

EVA SANTIAGO copyright 2016

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